最后我得认真地对张凯说一句：Your English is really fantastic!
Romance before graduation, tragedy for life
-----a tragic story of a female college student
译者： 深圳大学 赖小琪
Updated thinking can often be an impact to people and imitated. But some unprecedented deeds can sink ourselves into mire and abyss!
For this sentence, a girl named Xu Yumeng( we called her xu for short in the following) whose major was dancing in a given college had an impressive feeling: right before graduation, she and her four female classmates, together with five male college students from another university went on a trip to Dalian as a traveling group. At night, due to the limited lodging condition, they played a stout and romantic game: drawing lot to determine which boy and which girl live in the same room……
This differential romantic trip completely upturned xu’s life, leaving her painful to death.
Brave to experience a new game!
Since March, 2007, xu had been feeling vacant in heart. With the graduation impending and several failures in job hunting, she felt more than vacant.
Xu’s parents were both officials in an government organization in Changchu City. Seeing their daughter with no job, they suggested her applying for the public servant entrance exam. Xu was an outgoing and open-minded girl who did not show the least affection for the tedious official life. However, having been stricken by job hunting, she came to agree with her parents and got preparing
After the exam, all the lessons in school also came to an end. During waiting for the final result, xu killed time away by chatting online every day.
One day, she encountered an old online friend Wu Yu, a student who was also going to graduate in English faculty in a college in Ji Lin City. Talking about the experiences in finding jobs, they had a lot to chat. With the chatting going on, xu felt more and more relaxed.
On June 13th, when they were chatting again, Wu sent an invitation and said, “ Shall we go to Dalian to enjoy the beauty of the sea with our good classmates during this period of free time?” xu agreed immediately with this romantic idea, saying, “ Nice! We can do it right now or we can never after getting a job!” “ I will convince my roommates to join! We need to hand in 1000 yuan each. If there is some money left, we can share it back. If it is not enough, we need to hand in more.” Replied Wu. “ I need to consult with my roommates and ask for their agreement!” said xu. After coming back to dormitory, she discussed it with her roommates. Majoring in arts, they were all open-minded and four girls agreed forthright at this romantic and stimulating trip with boys.
At 9 am, June 15th, five boys and five girls assembled at the station on time and got acquainted very soon. All the way they played poke and games, told stories and sang as if they were years’ old friends.
After reaching Dalian in the afternoon that day, they took a bus to Xinghai Square and cheered to the seaside. Not until sunset did they left reluctantly and reach a small seafood hotel to enjoy dinner and chat happily. Wu motivated others to drink by saying drinking white wine while eating seafood is good for the stomach. Motivated by xu as well, the girls were never timid and lifted their cups to cheer with the boys nonstop, enjoying this pleasant moment!
After second drink, the server came in and informed them that there were some price-reasonable rooms at the backyard of the hotel. Though the rooms were not spacious enough, the environment was good and it only charged 80 yuan for two one night. But they needed to book beforehand or they might had no rooms later.
Since it was late then, everyone agreed to lodge. Wu said to the server,” we need five rooms for ten.” The server took 200 yuan deposit and went out. Suddenly a girl came to the realization and said, “ There were five girls and five boys here, so how can we arrange the room?”
“ Each room for two, isn’t it ok?” xu said, and right then she also realized something was wrong: if so, there would be a boy and a girl living together! All laughed then. Xu hurried to call for the server to add on more room, but the server said, “ I am sorry that there is no more room available now.” All fell into silence.
Xu said straightforward by the effect of alcohol, “ ok, if we book another room we need to pay 80 more. In addition, there is no more room left. If we give up all the rooms and move to other hotel, the our deposit cannot be got back. Now I am willing to live with a boy!” Stunned as others felt, they applauded for her courage and updated mind. A girl named Zhong Xue joked, “ xu, you are too self-centered. You are gonna find a boy and left us alone!” “ ok,” xu replied, “ then we choose a boy for each!” another girl continued to say, “ we could draw lot to determine which boy to live with which girl!”
Hearing this, wu said, “ I represent all the boys express our gratitude for your belief and we all agree with your idea! So we need to draw lot every night to make it fair for everyone!”
Then everyone agreed with this extremely stimulating and romantic game. One boy said, “ the girl draws the card should live with the boy accordingly. But there is one point we must make clear. We are all adults of more than 18 years old, so no one can compel the other to do something he or she is reluctant to do, or he or she will be punished by law.” After the dinner, they drew the lot and went to rest with their partner.
Xu drew the card named A and lived with Wu accidentally. Wu was a robust but gentle man and left a good impression on her. They chatted until midnight. As there was no door in the bathroom, wu went to take a bath first and then went back to the bed and covered himself with a sheet, saying to xu, “ now it is your turn! Do not worry! I will not do anything without your permission!” xu was considerably moved. She had two boy friends before and had the sex experience. On this romantic night, she felt somewhat thrilled and after finishing the bath and turning off the light, she did not get on her bed. Instead, she uncovered wu’s sheet……
The next night, xu lived with a boy called Li Ping. Xu never experienced such kind of strange and fresh feeling. Li was tall and handsome man with a strong body, giving xu another distinct feeling……
During the last several nights, they did the same thing and felt extremely happy and thrilled.
An insulting shadow on the romantic trip
The gleeful time fled in a flash. On June 20th, they came back to Changchun City and shacked in a hotel located in Green Garden District. It came to all of them that tonight is the final for their romantic trip, which made them feel a little attachment. Before entering their rooms, they still did the routine work and drew the lot. Maybe because of the lack of social experience and the ignorance of avoiding some taboos, they drew the lot right before the server, who felt greatly surprised and reported it to the manager.
The manager also realized these ten people’s behaviors were too casual and thought they might be promiscuous. In order to sidewalk troubles, he called the police. At receiving the call, the policemen hurried to the hotel and took all ten students back to the police office.
Being arrested by the policemen for investigation, the students felt awfully panic. Xu felt unconsciously the severity of the problem. That night, they were imprisoned with a prostitute in the same cell. The prostitute laughed ironically at them, saying, “ you are so young to do prostitution, how can I compete with you and live on?” xu responded angrily, “ unlike you a tart, we would never do that!” “ if you all are innocent, why were you arrested here?” the prostitute continued laughing. All the girls were insulted to tears.
Xu could not resist the fear and poured out the whole thing to the policemen when asked, so did other students. Policeman Mr Zhang first touched such kind of case and had no idea how to deal with it. if he judged that they were group-promiscuous, they lived in the same room in unit of couple, which did not violate the definition of group-promiscuous crime that should be accomplished by at least three people in the same room. If he judged the girls were prostitutes and whored, it also could not stand for their deeds exchanged for no money. So there was no clear regulation that defined such kind of deed. The policemen could only say they violated the morale standard. At last, Mr Zhang reported it to his senior. The senior thought though the students’ deeds were wrong, but they did not break the law and should not be penalized. Hence, after teaching them some time, the policemen released them.
Since the affair, xu felt a great impact in heart and realized she had indeed over played and veered from normal track. The depression changed the original romantic and fashionable taste of the trip. They determined to be dismissed, go back home, keep the secret ad try not to touch one another any more.
After coming back home, Xu did not step out of the house. Each time she recalled the dream-like memories of the trip, she felt sorely regretful at her indulgence that resulted in the first insult in life. but at that time, she still did not perceive the greater insult she was going to chew followed by the signal-like lesson in the police office……
In July, the result for the public servant exam came out and xu ranked the second and got the access to the final interview. Following her mother’s advice, xu changed her fashioned dress with a more generous and polite one, winning the interviewers’ high praise. Finally she succeeded being an official in a training department in the government.
At the beginning of August, xu started to work. The job is not painstaking and worth respect, so she felt greatly satisfactory. But just then, another accident happened.
On day at the end of August, in the afternoon, she was having lunch with her colleagues and suddenly she felt sick and then vomited in the washroom. Her colleagues thought she had eaten something wrong and asked her to go to hospital.
Thinking of the time when they went to Dalian two months ago, xu had a bodeful presage. She went to hospital alone for a check and the words of the doctor confirmed her concern: she did get pregnant! At hearing this, she slumped down in a chair, feeling extremely guilty and concerned. It was the consequence of the awful trip. At that time she had thought she was in secured period and did not take any contraceptive measure. But it turned out to be so!
Feeling helpless, xu teared over her face and deeply knew that she had to abort to keep the secret. At the weekends, she went to the hospital and did it. lying on the operating-table and feeling awfully painful all over the body, she felt extremely regretful and wanted to die.
The abortion changed xu a lot. She went to work early and left late, becoming more and more silent and speechless. All the colleagues thought she was considerate and loved her. At home, she became obedient to her mother and did a lot of housework for her. Her mother thought she became mature through work and felt very happy. She never imagined her dear daughter was suffering both physical and mental pain!
Nonetheless, the trouble did not end. Rather, another more tragic thing was in store!
The cost of fashionable deeds:
Living for no future
Seeing xu was still single, a lot of colleagues and friends introduced some boyfriends for her. on the eve of the new year of 2008, through her colleague’s introduction, she knew another official working in Changchun City, Liu wei. Liu was of great manner and the spine of his department. He enjoyed a promising future. He loved xu very much and tried his best to please her. Under the nourishing of love, xu’s originally pale face became pink gradually and she was more and more beautiful. She was totally dipped in love and never realized a nightmare was befalling.
One day in April, xu found her colleagues looking at her with strange expressions in eyes when she entered the office. She felt something was wrong. During the lunch break, she came back to her office from the canteen. Right at the door she heard several female colleagues chatting about her. One said, “ believe it or not, I never imagined xu is such kind of person cos she looks pretty quiet and polite in daily life! last week my younger brother came here and saw her, then he told me she had lived in his hotel before. My brother also told me the whole affair. He said he called the police then and they were all taken back to the police station. If my brother had not told me with his own mouth, how could I believe a college student would do such kind of dirty thing?”
Xu could not continue listening. She felt her mind was stuck, leaning on the wall helplessly……why would there be such a coincidence? The thing she always tried to hide should be known to her colleagues! How could she face them in the future?
She had no idea how to address the issue. One new colleague said to her secretly, “Nowadays young college students have their own way of living, which can hardly be understood by the old officials who get used to the routine work. So do not take it to heart!” this statement gave her great courage and she went on working regardless of all the criticism.
Xu compelled herself not to think of the past. She soothed herself by thinking that maybe after some time everyone would forget about it. Since then she became more introverted and always dropped down her head and dare not look at others straight. Most colleagues steered clear of her. She prayed sincerely every day that her past would not be transmitted to her boyfriend’ ears.
On the eve of Labor’s Day, xu’s department was electing the best performer in the past year, and the leader thought she was young and had accomplished more tasks than others, hence he was meant to give this honor to her. Hearing the news, one of xu’s colleague went straight to the leader’s office and said to him, “ if you give this honor to xu such a corrupt person who has a negative impact on our image, I would report it to senior leaders!” At last, the leader had to give the honor to another colleague. Afterwards, this affair was ridiculously transferred among all the people around. Not until then did xu miserably realize that scandal was eternal and that when time came it would be recalled and overstated by everyone!
The thing xu most concerned about occurred at last. One day after work, she received a call from her boyfriend who asked her to a place. She could sense his anger through his tone which was downright different from normal. At her arrival, he shouted at her, “ it is said that you have been arrested by the police. What the hell is it? it is also said that you lived with a boy in the past. What on earth did you do?”
Xu was very nervous as well as fearful, saying incoherently, “Please listen to my explanation. I was immature at that time, so I did commit a mistake. But since I fell in love with you, you are all in my heart and I have change everything for you……”
But her boyfriend said desperately, “In the past you were ideal in my heart. I never imagined you would do such a filthy thing! You desperately let me down!”
Xu held his hands tightly and begged, “Since that incident, I have been regretting all the time. I swear I did not do anything silly since then!”
He shook his head bitterly and said, “Shout up your mouth! Even if I could forgive you, my family would not accept you! My mum heard about your past and asked me to ask you. It is impossible to cover it!” Then he turned round and left……
Since the departure of her boyfriend, xu was fatally stricken down in spirit and teared cats and dogs without eating the least. After her parents asked her again and again, she finally spilled out everything to them. Her parents felt considerably angry and heartbroken, but since the tragedy had happened and their daughter confessed her sin, they were reluctant to reproach her for fear that she might do something silly to terminate her life. They merely tried their best to soothe her by saying that everything would soon become the past and she should look forward.
Afterwards, xu did not went to work any more. She could not face her colleagues. Her parents helped her resign for fear that she would be fired and became more passive.
Having lost love and job and bathing in endless supercilious looks and taunts, xu totally broke down and felt she was reaching the end of life. At 2 pm in the afternoon of June 2nd, after finishing a posthumous letter, she turned on the coal gas……
Maybe she was destined not to die so early. Her mother arrived at home ahead of time and smelled a strong gas after opening the door. She dashed to the room and lifted her daughter outside and sent her to the hospital. Through intensive rescue, she finally went out of danger, but she was extremely frail and in low spirits.
Witnessing the original flower-like daughter become so abject, her mother was more than heartbroken. She cried to xu with tears flooding, “ my dear, all has passed and you should pull yourself together! Your dad and I just have you such a daughter. If you leave us, how can we live on for the rest of our lives? Anyway, you are all to us. Shall we leave for another place to start our new life?”
Seeing her mother’s tears and miserable expressions on face, xu burst into tears and said, “Mum, I have regretted. But why don’t they forgive me? Should I lose all my happiness because of my unconscious mistake?”
They hugged together and teared heavily without any idea. Xu’s mother was acquainted with me, so she asked me for help.
Actually, xu’s key concern is the public’s scorn. In fact, if most people just hold an attitude of seeing. If they know she has already confessed and is bearing great pain, they will not continue to blame her. Therefore, I comforted xu that time would wash away everything and change her life, so she should not despair. Maybe after several years, when she looks back to present moment, she may think it is nothing serious at all……
Xu said to me, “ you are right, but I dare not think of my future. Now once I step out of my house, everyone stares at me with strange looks. I did not break the law and hurt others, why do they treat me like this?”
I was speechless then. Needless to say, every society has its own morale standard. It is like an intangible net. Once one was caught by it, he or she has to suffer tremendously!
At the end of June, 2008, under the delicate care of her parents, xu recovered a great deal and planned to move to another city to find a job and begin her new life……
A famous professor majoring in sociology expresses her point based on this tragedy: Nowadays many college students face enormous pressure of find a job right before they are going to graduation and leave campus. They feel extremely empty and panic in heart, thereby they will try to find something dubbed fashion or romance to release the stress. But if their deeds are not in accordance with social morale, the consequence may directly affect even change their own destiny. It should be paid enough attention to by us!