Desperate Housewives - Episode 02.05 - They Asked Me Why I Believe In You
Lynette and two co-workers are pitching an ad campaign to Nina.
"Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to Lynette Scavo that her new boss, Nina, was unusually tense."
Nina, watching the presentation, does not look happy. Lynette sees Nina is holding a pencil tightly then suddenly snaps the pencil in half.
"To help relieve her tension Lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts."
Flashback Lynette walks into Nina’s office and places a wave machine on her desk as Nina rubs the back of her neck.
"A soothing wave machine…
Flashback Lynette walks into Nina’s office with a basket of candles and oils. Nina is exercising her jaw.
Flashback Lynette walks into Nina’s office and places two Chi balls on her desk.
"Even meditative Chi balls."
Present Nina continues to watch the pitch.
"But nothing seemed to ease Nina’s tension."
Nina: "Distilled the old-fashioned way? Do you know, it actually hurts my teeth to say that out loud."
She grabs the pitch sign out of their hands.
Nina: "You folks are going to toddle back to your little holes and you are gonna come up with a decent slogan or I will can all your asses the old-fashioned way!"
She rips the sign in half.
"Until one day, when it occurred to Lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try."
Nina and Lynette sitting in a noisy bar. The waiter puts two drinks on the table in front of them.
Lynette: "It’s a gimlet. You’ll love it."
Nina: "What exactly is your plan here? To get me all liquored up so I’d buy the revised pitch?"
Lynette: "Don’t be ridiculous. Could we get a trough of these please?"
Nina: "I can’t remember the last time I was in a bar. Must have been the last time I had a boyfriend, which was, oh god, I’m a nun."
Lynette: "So why don’t you go out and get in the game?"
Nina: "Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting men, I am shy."
Lynette: "Well, I’m not. So, uh, what about that guy over there? He’s been checking you out since we walked in."
Nina: "He’s cute."
Lynette: "So, go over there."
Lynette: "Oh, for god’s sakes."
Lynette gets up and walks away from the table.
Nina: "Where are you going? Lynette. Sit!"
Lynette walks up to the guy she pointed out.
Lynette: "Hey, Stretch. See my friend over there? She thinks you’re cute."
The guy looks over at Nina, who waves shyly.
Lynette: "Why don’t you buy her a drink?"
The guy smiles and nods.
Advertising Agency Daytime
Lynette walks through a busy office. The elevator door opens and a disheveled Nina strolls in, carrying a coffee cup.
Nina: "Hey, everyone. Hi. Oh, it’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it?"
The receptionist hands some messages to Nina.
Nina: "Thank you, sweetie. Oh, hey, Lynette. I read the new mock-up proposal. Oh, you guys hit it out of the park!"
Nina: "I like that color."
Lynette: "Thanks. Hey, Nina."
"And although it had come about in a unexpected manner…
Lynette: "Are those the same clothes you were wearing last night in the bar?"
"...Nina’s tension had finally been released, the old-fashioned way!"
Wisteria Lane - Daytime
"Everyone in this world needs someone they can depend upon."
A home care worker is helping an elderly woman down the steps.
"Be it a faithful companion."
Two woman friends are talking.
A young boy is sitting on the lawn petting his dog.
"Or loyal friend."
Lonnie Moon pulls his car into Susan’s driveway.
"For Susan Mayer, that dependable someone was her book agent, Lonnie Moon. It was Lonnie who helped Susan promote her first children’s book."
Flashback Susan at a party with lots of kids. Behind her is a sign which reads "Meet Susan Mayer, Author of in My Picnic Basket….;
"It was Lonnie who rushed Susan to the hospital the night Julie was born."
Flashback Lonnie is helping a pregnant Susan walk down the hall. He carries her suitcase, but it accidentally opens, spilling everything on the floor.
"It was Lonnie who took Susan’s mind off her painful divorce with a fun vacation."
Flashback Susan and Lonnie, wearing sombreros, ride a donkey.
"Yes, Lonnie was Susan’s rock. Sadly for Susan, her rock was about to crumble."
Present Lonnie walks up to Susan’s door. Susan sees him approaching and runs to the door. Her TV is on.
TV Announcer: "For those of you just joining us, we have a new development on the Melanie Foster case. Earlier today..."
Susan: "Lonnie. What are you doing here?"
Lonnie: "It’s past noon, which now means it is now socially acceptable to start drinking."
Susan and Lonnie are drinking beers.
Susan: "I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I am so behind in my work. But I’m glad I came. This is fun."
Lonnie: "I've gotta be honest. I had an ulterior motive."
Lonnie: "I’ve decided to start my own agency."
Susan: "You’re leaving Muir and Hunt? You helped build that place."
Lonnie: "I know, but I just feel it’s time. And now the question is, will you come with me?"
Susan: "Well, of course."
Lonnie: "Okay. To the future."
They clink glasses and drink.
Susan: "I’ll just call the agency and let them know I’m going with you."
Lonnie: "Oh, I don’t think that necessary."
Susan: "Really? Ah, I think it might be rude not to. Lonnie, what’s going on?"
Lonnie: "Okay. There’s been some bad blood between me and the partners."
Lonnie: "I got into this thing where I had to move a little client money around temporarily to cover some expenses."
Susan: "You had to move money? What does that mean?"
Lonnie: "I took a little from here and I moved it there. It was no big deal."
Susan: "Really? ‘cause it sorta sounds like embezzlement."
Lonnie: "Why do people keep using that word?"
Susan: "Who else is using that word?"
Lonnie: "Nobody. The partners and their forensic accountants."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Lonnie, did you move some of my money?"
Lonnie: "Absolutely not! I swear! Susan, don’t look at me that way. I know what I did was wrong and I feel like a complete idiot for doing it, but please, please don’t hate me."
Susan: "Well, I don’t hate you. I couldn’t hate you. You’re my Lonnie."
Lonnie: "So, will you still come with me?"
Susan: "You know what? This is one of those times when you find out who your real friends are, so yeah."
Lonnie: "Oh, thank you, thank you. You are one special lady, Susan Mayer."
Fairview County Jail Visiting Room
Carlos is looking at an ultrasound picture of the baby.
Carlos: "Is that the baby’s head?"
Gabrielle: "No, it’s his foot."
Carlos: "That looks like a head to me."
Gabrielle: "Well, that settles it. When this baby’s born, I’ll be in charge of putting on the socks."
Carlos: "You’re glowing today, you know that? Pregnancy agrees with you."
Gabrielle: "Yeah? Well if you don’t mind the hemorrhoids and the nausea, it’s quite the party."
Carlos grins. Gabrielle looks at her watch.
Gabrielle: "I wonder where David is. He should have been here by now."
Carlos: "So this new lawyer is good?"
Gabrielle: "He’s quite the shark. You’re gonna love him. He hasn’t lost a case in six years. He argued in front of the State Supreme Court and he made our conjugal visit happen pretty damn fast."
Carlos: "Well, hey, I’m a fan already."
The door opens and David comes in.
David: "Sorry I’m late."
Gabrielle: "Oh, David."
David: "Good to see you, Gabby. Carlos, I’m David."
David leans over to shake Carlos’ hand. Carlos notices that David has his hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder and she is smiling up at him.
Carlos: "I don’t think so."
He gets up and walks away.
Gabrielle: "What the hell are you doing?"
Carlos: "That guy’s not gonna be my lawyer. Find a new one."
Bree is sitting in the detective’s office with her attorney.
Bree’s Attorney: "You haven’t filed a single charge. Either determine a homicide or release the body."
Detective 2: "We’ve got a court order which says until we're done with it, the corpse is ours."
Bree: "He is not a corpse. He is a man named Rex Van de Kamp. He was a loving husband, a devoted father, and a successful doctor. So successful, in fact, that he left me enough money to sue the city, this precinct, and you two gentlemen personally just for the fun of it."
Detective 2: "Mrs. Van de Kamp, we don’t respond well to threats so if I were you-"
Detective Barton: "Release the body."
Detective 2: "What?"
Detective Barton: "The evidence we have is minimal, at best. Mrs. Van de Kamp was gracious enough to come down here and take that lie detector test. I think it’s the least we can do for her."
Bree: "Thank you. So, uh, what will happen now?"
Detective 2: "Obviously, we will put Mr. Van de Kamp back just like we found him."
Bree: "Yes, and I’m sure you will bury him with all the dignity of a dead hamster. No, I want Rex released to me and I will make all the arrangements."
Detective 2: "Fine."
Bree's Attorney: "And of course, you'll be paying all the costs."
Detective Barton: "Of course."
Bree: "Detective Barton, you are clearly a gentleman."
Bree looks down at the other detective and walks out of the room with her attorney.
Employees are watching a TV tuned to the news.
Female Reporter: "People have gathered at Attenborough High School where Melanie attended the past…
Lynette is on the phone in the other room.
Lynette: "No, it’s fine, I’ll pick it up on my way home. So, what do you want?"
She begins to gather all of her stuff together, then walks out of her office.
Lynette: "Oh, Parker hates pepperoni. How about sausage? Yeah. And a small cheese. Okay, perfect. Love you."
Nina comes up to Lynette.
Nina: "Hey, you."
Nina: "You want to hit Konnell’s? I owe you a beer. Actually, I owe you so much more than that."
Lynette: "You’re welcome, but I really need to get home."
Nina: "No, come on. I had such a good time last night."
Lynette: "Um, why don’t you ask Trudy? She loves going out."
Nina: "Trudy? Are you kidding? I don’t need the competition. Have you seen Trudy without her jacket. She’s hot!"
Lynette: "Oh, is she now?"
Nina: "I didn’t mean that you’re not hot. It's just, you’re married."
Nina: "You know, you’re off the market. I don’t have to worry about fighting you for guys. Come on, Lynette, just one quick little drink. I was actually starting to think that you and I were becoming pals."
Lynette: "Pals? ‘cause sometimes it’s hard to tell. You know I wasn’t feeling the love today when you mocked my campaign in front of the clients."
Nina: "That was just putting on a show for work. In the future, always assume that I am winking, inside. Come on, I hate to go to a bar alone. I feel like such a loser. "
Lynette: "Okay. One drink."
Nina: "Yeah! One or two."
Betty Applewhite’s House
Betty is sorting through her mail on her front porch. She holds a package that was delivered to her house, and sees it is addressed to Zach Young. She goes to the Young home where mail is stacked in boxes on the front porch. She puts the package into one of the boxes.
Edie is on crutches with a pink cast around one leg.
The TV is on with the volume turned down.
Edie: "Thank you so much for bringing my mail over. You know, I, I have some of yours in the kitchen."
Betty: "Well, that’s the fourth time. What’s up with this postman?"
Edie: "Oh, I know. He used to be great. Then he had this stroke. Now we’re lucky he doesn’t drool on the coupons. But feel free to snoop around. Be right back."
Edie leaves the room. Betty goes over to the TV. She sees on the screen "Breaking News Arrest in Foster Case." The reporter is standing in front of a police station. She turns the volume up quickly.
TV Reporter: "Possible. Now for those of you just joining us, families in Chicago breathed a sigh of relief today as an arrest was finally made in the brutal attack of local high school student, Melanie Foster."
On the screen, police are taking a young black man out of the police car into the police station.
TV Reporter: "Word of the suspect’s capture comes as small comfort to the Foster family…
Edie enters the room to see that Betty has left. The TV volume is still turned up.
TV Reporter: "The Fosters lost their seventeen-year-old daughter almost four months ago."
TV Reporter: "The body was found in a local park less than a mile from Attenborough High."
Betty rushes into her house. As she enters, she hears the TV reporter on the TV.
Betty: "Did you see the news? They’ve arrested somebody."
Matthew: "Yeah. Looks like we’re in the clear."
Bree, Gabrielle, Susan, and Edie are playing cards in the dining room.
Bree: "Well, I have some good news. The police are finally releasing Rex’s body."
Gabrielle: "About time."
Susan: "You must be so relieved."
Bree: "You know, mostly I’m annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean how in the world can anyone accuse me of murder?"
Edie: "Well, you are wound pretty tight. What? The super mom is always the first to snap. They’ve done studies."
Bree: "Anyway, I was hoping that you were all free Friday morning because that’s when I’ll be hosting the re-burial."
Gabrielle: "The what?"
Bree: "Look, I know it’s an imposition, but Danielle is away on a class trip and Andrew is back at Camp Hennessey for a little refresher course. Well it’s just gonna be a very brief and, and dignified ceremony and I was hoping that you could say a few words and, um, I’m gonna read a poem."
Gabrielle: "We would love to come."
Bree gets up and goes into the kitchen. Susan looks at Edie.
Edie: "I’m busy. Sorry."
Susan (whispering): "Edie!"
Edie (whispering): "She’s going to read a poem."
Susan kicks Edie under the table as Bree comes back into the room.
Edie: "Oww! Fine, yes, yes, we’d all love to come."
Bree: "Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me. I’ve realized looking back that I was still in shock during Rex’s first funeral. I don’t think it had quite hit me yet what had happened so that’s why this small ceremony means so much to me. Because I realize now that this is the last chance I’m gonna have to say goodbye."
Gabrielle takes Bree’s hand.
Edie: "Unless, of course, they dig him up again."
The ladies all look at her.
Fairview County Jail
Inmates and their significant others are gathered in a circle with a chaplain overseeing a therapy session with inmates and their wives, including Carlos and Gabrielle.
Bob: "Sure, there were times when Lisa was rude and obnoxious. But I know now that that was no excuse to always be beating on her. Oh, baby, I’m just so sorry."
Bob and Lisa hug. The chaplain applauds and the others join in. Carlos and Gabrielle do not applaud.
Chaplain: "Good job, you two. This is an example of how to use incarceration to your benefit. It's a chance for people to take a step back and observe the obstacles they face in their marriage."
Mona: "Can I go now? ‘cause I have a lot to say about the obstacles I’m facing in my marriage."
Lamar: "We don’t got any obstacles."
Mona: "Yes we do, Lamar, we got big ones."
Chaplain: "Okay, hold on you two. I think that it’s Carlos and Gabrielle’s turn."
Carlos: "Thanks, but we’re good."
Carlos puts his hand on Gabrielle’s leg. Gabrielle pushes his hand away.
Chaplain: "This is your third group session, but you have yet to share anything. Come on, talk to us. How’s your marriage?"
Gabrielle: "Shaky at best."
Chaplain: "And why is that?"
Gabrielle: "I don’t know. I hired a brilliant lawyer to get my husband out of this hellhole and he fired him. For no reason at all."
Carlos: "I just didn’t like him."
Gabrielle: "Why not? He’s experienced, he’s intelligent, he’s successful."
Carlos: "Exactly. I’d prefer an attorney you didn’t find so damn appealing."
Gabrielle: "Oh my god. You fired him because you’re jealous?"
Carlos: "Well, don’t I have the right to? You know she cheated on me."
Bob gasps loudly.
Gabrielle: "Oh, Bob, you beat your wife. You are so not allowed to gasp."
Lisa: "Don’t you talk that way to him."
Gabrielle: "One more word out of you, Lisa, and I will back hand you myself."
Chaplain: "Okay, calm down."
Carlos: "Thousands of fat, bald attorneys out there in the world and she’s gotta get the one that looks like an underwear model."
Gabrielle: "I’m not discussing this anymore. You can rot in here for all I care."
Everyone is quiet.
Chaplain: "So, uh, Mona, what do you feel are the biggest problems in your marriage?"
Gabrielle: "By the way, he was wearing a suit. How do you know he had a good body?"
Carlos: "Do you know?"
Lamar: "I bet he’s hot!"
Everyone stares at Lamar.
Mona: "Do I need to say what our biggest problem is, or can everybody figure it out for themselves?"
Susan and Julie are reading in the living room when Mike walks in.
Mike: "Why are you reading that contract?"
Susan: "I told you. Lonnie wants me to sign with his new agency."
Mike: "But you didn’t say you were seriously thinking about going with him?"
Susan: "I know. I know. It’s just, Lonnie’s family. You know he’s always been there for me. He paid my rent when I was waiting for my first royalty check. He called me everyday when Karl left. I mean, I just owe him so much."
Mike: "Susan, he committed a felony."
Susan: "Okay, who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast."
Mike: "Your agent represents you. You gotta be able to trust him. How is that gonna be possible now?"
Susan: "Well, it’s possible because I have faith in people. I mean, Lonnie knows he messed up and he’s sorry. He’s making restitution. What, you don’t believe people deserve second chances?"
Mike: "Not when they messed up this much. No."
Susan: "Really? So that’s it with you. You just get one shot and you screw up and you’re out. I didn’t know you were such a cynic."
Mike: "I’m sorry, all right? I guess it's just the way I'm wired. I’ve got a job over in Greenwood, so, I’ll call you later tonight."
Mike kisses Susan and leaves.
Julie: "You okay?"
Susan: "Julie, I did something bad. Something really, really bad. Aren’t you gonna ask me what it was?"
Julie: "Do I ever have to?"
Susan: "Last week, when Mike and I went to the park searching for Zach, I sort of found him."
Susan: "Yes, and I gave him money and I sent him away and I didn’t tell Mike."
Julie: "Holy crap! What are you gonna do?"
Susan: "I don’t know. What would you do if this happened to you?"
Julie: "See, this would never happen to me. This kinda thing only happens to you."
Susan: "Will you stop judging and help me?"
Julie: "Well, obviously you’re gonna have to tell him."
Susan: "Well, I can’t do that. You heard what he said about his wiring. I betrayed him. He’ll never forgive me."
Julie: "Okay. Don’t tell him."
Susan: "Well, how can I not? I feel so guilty, I can barely look him in the eye when he talks about Zach."
Julie: "So, where do you think Zach went?"
Susan: "Utah. Oh lord. Why did I do this?"
Julie: "I have a feeling you did it for me."
Wisteria Lane - Daytime
A postman places a package in an white box marked US Mail on Paul Young’s porch. The piled-up mail from before is no longer there.
Advertising Agency - Nighttime
Lynette is gathering her things. Nina walks in.
Nina: "Hey, girl."
Nina: "I hope you are in the mood for margaritas cause it is Salsa Night at onnell's."
Lynette: "Oh, fun, but I can’t go tonight because I promised the twins that I would help them finish their science project."
Nina: "Lynette. If the late hours are going to be an issue for you, we should probably talk about finding you a less demanding account."
Lynette: "You’re gonna take me off Kamarov because I won’t go drinking with you?"
Nina: "No. Oh, god, no. Honey, I get it. You have a family. Home has to come first for you."
Lynette: "Thank you."
Nina: "I mean, for me, the client comes first. Me being a perfectionist is my own neurotic issue and I know that I really need to work on that. But trust me. I will never sleep again if this campaign gets mucked up. I’ll figure something out. You go home. Have a good night."
Lynette: "I can handle the extra hours."
Nina: "Oh, Lynette. You sure?"
Nina: "I’ll get my coat."
Nina: "Wow, this place is rowdy after happy hour,, huh?"
Nina: "Hey. Look at that guy. Right there. the end of the bar. The shoulders with the tan jacket."
Nina: "Go get him for me."
Nina pushes Lynette toward the guy.
Betty’s House - Nighttime
Betty is sitting at the kitchen table, wearing cleaning gloves and writing a letter. A timer dings. Betty removes the gloves.
She walks down the dark stairs to the basement, carrying a tray with food. She opens the door. Caleb is sitting quietly on the cot.
Betty: "Hey there."
She places the tray in front of Caleb. He begins eating.
Betty: "So, they're going on about Melanie Foster on the news. It’s time we talked about her, Caleb. Until you start accepting responsibility for what happened, you know I can’t let you out of here."
In the kitchen, Matthew walks in and sees the letter Betty had been writing.
Matthew (yelling): "What the hell is this? Mom! Where are you?"
Betty: "I’ll be right back. And I will expect you to answer me."
Matthew: "Where are you?!"
Betty closes the door to the basement. She pushes the lock, but it doesn’t catch. She doesn’t notice.
Betty: "I’m coming! I'm coming!"
In the kitchen, Betty meets up with Matthew.
Matthew: "What were you gonna do with this?"
Matthew (reading the letter): "know who really killed Melanie Foster. You’ve arrested the wrong man.? What are you thinking?"
Betty: "The police need to know the truth."
Matthew: "The hell they do! This is our chance!"
In the basement, the door is pushed from inside. The lock unlatches. The door opens.
In the kitchen, Betty and Matthew are still talking.
Betty: "I can’t let an innocent man go to jail."
Matthew: "You want to do the right thing? Well, then call nine-one-one and tell them you got a killer locked up in the basement."
Betty: "He is not a killer. He was confused. He didn’t know what he was doing."
Matthew: "He knows a lot more than you give him credit for."
Betty: "I’m mailing the letter."
In the basement, Caleb comes out of the room and listens from the stairs.
Matthew: "Do you realize what’s gonna happen? Mom, are, are you thinking it through?"
Betty: "I’m mailing the letter."
Matthew: "If you do, you better hope to God they don’t find us. ‘cause they're not gonna care how slow Caleb is. They’ll just execute him."
On the stairs, Caleb overhears them and slowly backs down the stairs, going back into the room, closing the door behind him.
Lonnie’s House - Daytime
Susan walks in the unlocked front door.
Susan: "Lonnie, are you here? It’s Susan. Lonnie?"
Lonnie: "Susan? What are you doing here?"
Susan: "Well, I just came over to give you the contract. Your door was open."
Lonnie: "Oh. Great."
The living room is filled with boxes and few pieces of furniture. Clothes are hung on the wall. Everything is in disarray.
Lonnie: "Sorry the place is such a mess. I’ve been working here till we get the new offices painted. Wait till you see them, they’re gonna be really beautiful."
Susan looks into the kitchen, which is also a mess, with groceries all over the place.
Susan: "Where’s Jeannie?"
Lonnie: "She’s with the kids up in Minnesota visiting her mom. They love it up there. Keep changing the date on dear old dad."
Susan flips a light switch, but nothing happens.
Susan: "There’s no electricity."
Lonnie: "There isn’t? Oh, I’m such a dummy. I’ve been, I've been so swamped I must have forgotten to pay the electric bill."
Susan: "Lonnie, how much financial trouble are you really in?"
Lonnie: "I’m fine."
Lonnie sees the signed contract in Susan’s hand.
Lonnie: "You know what it is? I had to pay all those people back at the same time. Restitution plus interest. It’s not something I recommend. It sucks you dry."
Lonnie slowly tries to take the contract out of Susan’s hand. Susan pulls it away.
Susan: "I’m gonna ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth. Did you steal from me?"
Lonnie: "Absolutely not!"
Susan: "Please don’t lie. Just tell me."
Lonnie: "Is that what you want to hear? Do I have to say it so that we can move on?"
Lonnie: "Fine. I did it. But yours was the first money I paid back so the slate's been wiped clean. Let’s just move pasy it, Suse."
Susan: "I’m sorry. I just can’t trust you anymore."
Lonnie: "Yes, you can!"
Susan: "No, I can’t."
Lonnie: "You can."
Lonnie: "Give me the contract!"
Lonnie: "Okay, okay. Fine."
Lonnie grabs the contract out of Susan’s hand and runs. Susan grabs him.
Susan: "What are you doing? Are you trying to take me down with you?"
Lonnie: "I am not going down!"
The both fall on the floor and begin wrestling for the contract.
Lonnie: "My life is great. I have never been happier and I've never been fitter! Get off me, you Amazon!"
Susan grabs the contract out of Lonnie’s hand and falls back, breathing heavily.
Gabrielle’s Porch - Daytime
Gabrielle is doing her yoga. David walks up.
Gabrielle: "What are you doing here?"
David: "You left me a message. You said that you wanted to talk to me."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. I thought you’d schedule an appointment later. Right now, I’m, I'm sort of disgusting and sweaty."
David: "I’m a criminal lawyer. I’ve seen worse."
He walks into her house. Gabrielle follows and closes the door.
Gabrielle’s House - Interior
David: "So did you find a new lawyer for Mr. Charming?"
Gabrielle: "I don’t want a new lawyer. I want you. So does Carlos, he just doesn’t realize it yet."
He picks up a bottle of wine from the wine rack.
David: "Nineteen eighty-eight Romanée Conti La Tache. I’m impressed."
Gabrielle: "Look, to be honest, Carlos is a little threatened by you. He thinks if we spend too much time together that something might happen."
David: "Somebody’s got an active imagination. Corkscrew?"
She takes the wine from him.
Gabrielle: "David, we’re not here to drink wine, okay? This is business. Now you have to convince Carlos that he can trust you."
David: "How am I gonna do that?"
Gabrielle: "I don’t know. Tell him you’re happily married or gay!"
He takes another bottle out of the rack.
David: "Yeah, right."
Gabrielle: "You’re a lawyer. You lie to juries all the time. Can’t you just make something up?"
David: "I’m past the point in my career where I have to beg for work. I’m sorry."
She takes the wine from him again.
Gabrielle: "Okay, skip it. I’m holding my marriage together by my fingernails. If Carlos serves his full sentence, I don’t think we’re gonna make it. So please, I need you."
David: "I’ll say this much for Carlos. He's got excellent taste wine. Montrachet. It’s good stuff."
Gabrielle: "Are you gonna help me or not?"
David: "We’ll go see Carlos tomorrow. I’ll turn him around for you."
Gabrielle: "Really. What are you gonna say?"
David: "I’ll play it by ear. I don’t want to sound to over rehearsed."
David picks up a bottle of wine and walks out.
Gabrielle: "Hey, that’s my wine!"
David: "Deduct it from my bill."
Lonnie’s House - Daytime
Susan and Lonnie are sitting on the floor.
Lonnie: "It all started with bad real estate investments."
Susan: "You should have just come clean."
Lonnie: "Yeah, well, you tell one lie, the second one comes easy. Then you’re making up new lies to cover up the old ones. Pretty soon you can’t turn back, you know?"
Susan: "I do."
Lonnie: "When Jeannie finally caught on, she took the kids, she took the furniture. The bank locked me out of my own house."
Lonnie: "That’s why I can’t lose you as a client."
Susan: "Well, I’m sorry, but you have."
Lonnie: "I don’t blame you."
Susan: "You’ll never lose my friendship, though. I mean that."
Susan: "Of course. You’re my Lonnie."
She pats his face.
Lonnie: "You’re my Susie. You’re my Susie."
Lonnie leans over and tries to kiss Susan. Susan pulls back, shocked.
Susan: "Oh! What the hell are - is wrong with you?!"
Lonnie: "I’m your Lonnie. That’s what you said."
Susan: "Not like that!"
Lonnie: "But I thought, I mean there’s always been this magnetism…;
Susan: "No! There has not been and there never will be."
She grabs her purse and runs out of the house.
Susan: "Oh, my god!"
Lonnie: "But I was just coming clean!"
Chicago Police Department Parking Lot - Daytime
Detective Morgan comes out. A female detective comes running after him.
Female Detective: "Hey, Morgan. Got a letter from some guy claiming he attacked Melanie Foster."
Morgan: "You ran me down for that? I got dozens of kooks coming out of the woodwork all saying we arrested the wrong guy."
Female Detective: "This one knows about the axe."
She hands Morgan the letter. They go back into the station.
Fairview City Morgue
Bree is sitting in a waiting room An orderly enters, pushing a gurney with a covered body on it.
Orderly: "Here you go, Mrs. Van de Kamp."
Bree: "Thank you. Ah, the hearse is right outside, so if you’ll just follow me."
Orderly: "Oh shoot, there’s a form I need you to sign. I think I left it back in the office."
Bree: "That’s all right. I’ll wait."
He leaves. Bree slowly approaches the gurney.
Bree: "I’m here, sweetheart, and I’m gonna take care of everything. But you knew that, didn’t you? You've always known that you can count on me."
Detective Barton walks in.
Barton: "Mrs. Van de Kamp."
Bree: "Detective Barton. What are you doing here?"
Barton: "Oh, just taking care of some business. Is this?"
Bree: "Yes. This is Rex. I, I want to thank you again for what you did. It was so refreshing to be treated with kindness after weeks of just ludicrous accusations."
Barton: "The doctor doesn’t think they're ludicrous."
Bree: "Well, I know, but Rex died in his care. Of course he’s like to blame someone else."
Barton: "But the tests he did, uh…;
Bree: "Oh, please don’t talk to me about tests. Rex was not poisoned and no one I know believes that he was."
Barton: "Rex did."
Barton: "Well, the doctor told Rex he was being poisoned and Rex believed him."
Bree: "How would you know that?"
Detective pulls a letter wrapped in plastic out of his pocket. He hands it to Bree. Bree reads it. The letter reads, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you."
Bree: "Where did you get this?"
Barton: "We found that in Rex’s bed after he died. That is his handwriting, isn’t it?"
Bree sits down.
Barton: "You know what I think? Rex felt guilty for the way he treated you. The adultery; the public humiliations. That’s why he forgave you. He understood why you did it."
Bree: "How can he have believed this?"
Barton: "Look, my wife cheated on me, too. I know how much it hurts. And so will a judge. Everyone understands crimes of passion. But every day that you stonewall makes you look more and more like a cold, calculating killer. We both know that’s not you. But I can’t help you unless you start telling the truth."
The detective takes back the letter. Bree physically composes herself.
Bree: "I’m sorry, but I, I have to go. I have some things that I need to take care of."
Bree walks to the gurney and tries to push it. It’s stuck.
Barton: "Bree! It is obvious your husband loved you very much. Don’t you think you owe it to him to admit the truth?"
Bree: "Detective, I know exactly what my husband deserves. Now would you be a dear?"
The Detective unlocks the gurney.
Bree: "Thank you."
Bree pushes the gurney out the doors.
Fairview County Jail Visiting Room
Gabrielle and David are sitting in the visiting room. Carlos is brought in.
Carlos: "What’s he doing here?"
David: "I have a pitch for you. I want to explain to you why it’s in your best interest to allow me to represent you."
Gabrielle: "Oh for Pete’s sake, Carlos. At least listen to the man."
Carlos: "I guess it beats sitting in my cell."
David: "Now, I don’t think you have a problem with me as a lawyer. Clearly, I’m the real deal. I sense your problem with me is more personal."
Carlos: "You sense right."
David: "You want to know if I’m interested in sleeping with your wife. Well, the answer is yes."
Gabrielle laughs loud and nervously.
Gabrielle: "Carlos, he’s kidding. Tell him you’re kidding."
Carlos: "Shut it."
David: "And clearly Gabrielle is willful, self centered, and manipulative. She’s also beautiful enough to be worth the trouble. So, the minute we leave this room I’m gonna aggressively pursue her. And when I succeed, which I will, we are gonna fly to my chateau in Chamonix and have dinner in a local bistro. They make the best rack of lamb in all of Europe. We’ll make love by the fire and afterwards a little midnight skiing." (to Gabrielle) "You ski, don’t you? You’re athletic, you’ll learn." (to Carlos) "Anyway. All of this only happens if you fire me. If you keep me on, you’re wife’s off limits. I’d get disbarred for sleeping with a client’s wife and nobody’s worth that, not even her. That’s my pitch. I’ll let you think about it."
David get up and walks out.
Gabrielle: "Honey. I am so sorry. Honestly, that guy’s insane!"
Carlos: "Oh, you just can’t wait, can you?"
Carlos: "He’s my lawyer."
Gabrielle: "But, Carlos-"
Carlos: "And that’s all there is to it."
Carlos walks out.
Konnell’s Bar Nighttime
The bar is filled with people and loud music is playing. Lynette and Nina are sitting at a table. A guy is talking to Nina.
Guy: "How about a dance."
Nina: "How 'bout it? Yes."
Lynette: "Well you guys have fun. This is the fifth night in a row I haven’t been home to tuck in my kids, so I’m gonna go."
Nina: "No! You're gonna stay put. It is Friday night and you have all weekend to play with your kids. Watch my purse."
Nina goes off with the guy to dance. Another man sits down by Lynette.
Chuck: "Hey, I’m Chuck."
Lynette: "Chuck, I’m gonna stop you right there."
She holds up her hand, showing him the wedding ring on it.
Lynette: "Happily married."
Chuck (reaching in his pocket): "Well, looks like we’ve got something in common."
He shows her his own wedding ring.
Lynette: "Chuck, get your hand off my thigh. No! Not up my thigh. Off my thigh! Come on, what’s the matter with you! I’m not available. And I’m not that easy!"
Chuck: "Well, what are you doing in a pick up bar at ten-thirty at night?"
Lynette: "Well, I don’t usually do this."
Chuck: "Oh, come on. Honey. Who are you kidding? I’ve seen you here every night this week. You’re a regular!"
Chuck shakes his head and leaves.
"At that moment, it occurred to Lynette that Chuck, though inebriated, had a valid point. The time had come to declare a war of independence. And the surest path to victory would require an aggressive campaign of shock and awe."
Lynette, in the bathroom, lets down her hair, puts lipstick on, unbuttons her shirts, and takes off her vest. She reenters the bar wearing just her vest with no blouse. She struts into the room and tosses her purse to the bartender, then begins dancing in a very sexy manner. She struts up to where Nina is dancing and pushes her aside, taking her dance partner.
Later, at the bar, Lynette downs shots with a bunch of guys. The guys lift her onto the bar where Lynette dances like a stripper. The guys are cheering and whistling. Nina is watching from their booth.
Lynette comes back to the table and sits down next to Nina.
Lynette: "It’s crazy here tonight. Don’t you want to dance?"
Nina: "No, thanks. I think I’ll sit this one out."
"Lynette savored her victory, confident that she would never again have to engage her opponent on this particular battlefield."
Lynette: "Woo! I love this song. Here, hold my purse."
She pushes her purse at Nina and goes back to the dance floor.
Fairview Cemetery - Daytime
Lynette, Gabrielle, Susan, and Edie are standing at Rex’s empty grave. Bree walks up.
Susan: "Bree! Where have you been? We were starting to get worried."
Bree: "I’m sorry. I was just attending to some last minute details. Right this way."
Bree leads them away from Rex’s grave site.
Gabrielle: "Where are we going?"
Bree: "To Rex’s grave site."
Edie: "Well, I thought this was his grave site."
Bree: "I’m changing it."
Bree: "Well, he did something to upset me and I want him gone!"
Susan: "What did he do?"
Bree: "You know, it’s so unpleasant I’d rather not get into it. Have you seen these gravestones? Some are from the eighteen hundreds. Just fascinating."
Lynette: "Bree, wait, you’re gonna have to explain. Rex is dead. What could he have done to upset you?"
Bree stops and turns to face the women.
Bree: "My husband, the man I spent my life with for eighteen years, died thinking that I murdered him!"
Bree: "Yes, the cardiologist shared this moronic theory with Rex and Rex believed him!"
Gabrielle: "Are you sure?"
Bree: "Yes, because he left a note. And it said, and I quote, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you." I spent eighteen years of my life with this man. How could he not know me?"
Edie: "Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else."
Bree: "I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of god, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke’s on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!"
Two maintenance workers nearby stop their work to listen to Bree yell. Susan looks over at them.
Susan: "Hi. We’re just going to a funeral."
The workers go back to work.
Bree: "Right this way."
She continues walking and the ladies follow her. They walk over another section of the cemetery. A crane is lowering a coffin into a hole.
Gabrielle: "Honey, I know you’re hurt but are you sure you’re not gonna change your mind? I mean, there’s no turning back after this."
Bree: "If you think I’m gonna lay next to someone for eternity who thinks I’m a murderer, you’re crazy. As far as I’m concerned, let him decompose with strangers."
Bree takes off her wedding ring and throws it into the grave on top of the coffin. The ladies look shocked and Bree storms away.
"Everyone in the world needs someone they can depend on."
Bree is walking and the ladies are right behind her. Lynette puts her hand on Bree’s shoulder.
"Be they faithful friends…
Fairview County Jail
Carlos is sitting with David as the attorney speaks.
Tom is standing on the porch, holding Penny, when Lynette approaches and reaches for her daughter.
" a loving family."
Lonnie is sitting alone, eating pizza.
"But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us leave."
Mary Alice’s House
Pictures of Mary Alice and Zach are on the table with a large stack of unopened mail.
"And if that happens…
Paul picks up a knife and begins opening the mail.
"It’s amazing the lengths we’ll go to, to get them back."
~ The End ~