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新婚夫妇如何向亲朋好友张口要钱

本文属阅读资料
Forget the chafing dish. Just give me the money.

千万别给我买什么涮锅,直接给钱就好。

An increasing number of brides and grooms want cold hard cash as presents, wedding-industry insiders say. Gracefully communicating that desire to their invitees, however, can be a challenge.

婚礼服务业人士表示,越来越多的新郎和新娘希望收到实实在在的钞票作结婚礼物。然而,如何将这一愿望得体地传达给宾客可不是件容易的事。

Traditional gifts started losing some luster a few years ago, with the rise of Web sites that let wedding guests contribute toward the honeymoon. New economic realities are now further shaping couples' priorities.

传统的结婚礼物几年前就开始逐渐失宠,与此同时,面向婚礼宾客推出资助新人度蜜月服务的网站开始兴起。眼下,新的经济现实进一步确立了新人们的首选目标。

People are marrying later, for instance--men at 27.5 and women at 25.6, on average--which means newlyweds often have already set up house and are saddled with credit-card debt. Recently plunging investments make cash a lot more welcome--and a lot more needed -- than, say, a blender.

现在人们结婚的年龄越来越晚,比如说——男性平均要到27.5岁,女性要到25.6岁才会结婚——这就意味着新人们通常已经自己买了房子,而且还负担着沉重的信用卡债务。近来,一落千丈的资本市场也使得现金——比起搅拌器之类的东西来——更受青睐,也更派得上用场。

It's an awkward subject for most people. But there are a few things a bride and groom can do to encourage cash gifts without offending Great Aunt Mimi.

这对大多数人来说都是一个难于启齿的话题。但是,新郎和新娘还是可以做一些事情,在不得罪亲友的情况下鼓励他们用现金作为结婚礼物。

Be Sensitive 保持敏感

Couples should consider how their guests will react before including money as an explicit gift option. Wedding experts say that to some extent, acceptance depends on geography. Many guests at New York and Los Angeles weddings feel cash is an acceptable present. But it's not so common in the Midwest. And some in the South believe it's too impersonal, so couples there may have to work extra hard to overcome an anticash sentiment.

在把金钱明确作为礼物选项之前,新人们应该考虑宾客会对此做出什么样的反应。婚庆专家表示,对于把金钱作为结婚礼物的接受程度,在一定程度上与地域有关。许多在纽约和洛杉矶参加婚礼的人认为现金作为礼物是可以接受的。但是在美国中西部这样的情形并不普遍,而美国南部的一些人则认为,这种做法太没有人情味,所以在那里举办婚礼的新人或许需要加倍努力才能战胜这种“反对现金礼物”的情绪。

Reactions can vary by age, too. While younger generations will "get it," friends of the parents and grandparents may feel queasy about the idea, says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of theknot.com, a New York-based Web site about weddings. Older people often still prefer giving tangible gifts, convinced that the recipients will enjoy unwrapping the surprise.

人们的反应也可能与年龄有关。纽约婚庆网站theknot.com执行编辑丽贝卡·道根说,尽管年轻人能够接受这种潮流,但父母和祖父母的朋友或许会对这个主意感到不安。老年人通常仍更倾向于赠送实实在在的礼物,因为他们相信,这能让新人在拆开礼物时享受到那份惊喜。

Some say the current economic situation is easing tensions when it comes to talking about money, meaning older guests from Mississippi may now be more willing to write a check. Of course, the recession also means that check may be rather small, since guests could be struggling themselves.

有些人说,眼下的经济形势让人们在谈论金钱时能减轻不安感,这意味着来自密西西比州的年长宾客或许会比从前更乐意开张支票作礼物。当然,经济衰退还意味着支票上面的数额或许会很小,因为宾客自己经济上可能陷入了困境。

Be Subtle 旁敲侧击

Some people will write "monetary gifts preferred" on their wedding invitations. But going that route can have disastrous results, according to Jenny Orsini, a wedding planner based in Springfield, N.J. "I might actually buy them a purple-and-green-polka-dot cheese grater just for saying that," she warns.

一些人会在婚礼请柬上注明“乐于接受现金”。但是,来自新泽西州斯普林菲尔德的婚礼策划珍妮·奥尔西尼表示,这么做可能会产生灾难性的后果。“因为他们那么说,我可能只会给他们买个带有紫绿花点的奶酪刨丝器,”她警告说。

Couples should never tell guests outright that they want money. In fact, it's bad wedding etiquette to mention wanting any gifts at all, because that implies a guest must buy something in order to attend the wedding.

新人们绝对不应该直白地告诉宾客他们想要金钱作礼物。实际上,提出希望得到任何礼物都不合礼节,因为那意味着人们必须要买些什么才能来参加婚礼。

"It's a terrible idea to include any of this information in your invitation," says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based wedding-etiquette expert and author. "That's craven," she says. "It's like you're buying a ticket to the wedding."

埃莉斯·麦克·亚当是纽约的一位婚庆礼仪专家和作家。她说,“在结婚请柬上包含任何此类信息都是非常糟糕的主意。这就好像是你在花钱买婚礼的入场券。”

She and other experts suggest asking the family or bridal party to help get the word out--after guests ask about gift preferences. An insert in the invitation, too, can provide a link to a Web site with information about gifts and other matters related to the wedding.

她和其他专业人士建议在宾客询问新人对结婚礼物的喜好时,通过家人或者伴娘伴郎把这一信息传递出去。或者,在结婚请柬里提供一个网络链接,介绍有关礼物及婚礼其它事宜的信息。

It's important for such sites to include practical details, like directions and accommodations for out-of-town guests, so as not to just seem like a plea for presents. (Ms. Mac Adam says she was once shocked by a bride-to-be who asked whether she could include her bank-account number.)

此类网站应该包含一些具体的信息,比如对外地宾客的说明、建议和住宿安排,而不要给人留下只想索要礼物的印象。(亚当说,有一次一位准新娘问到是否应该把她的银行账号也写进请柬,这让她很是惊讶。)

A more subtle approach is for the couple to explain a bit about their financial goals and why they are forgoing fine china and linens. While the message should say any gift would be appreciated, it can also use the phrase, "What we could really use help with is..." says Anna Post, spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, a promoter of etiquette and civility that's based in Burlington, Vt.

还有一种更为巧妙的办法就是让新人简要介绍一下他们的财务目标,以及为什么他们不需要瓷器和床上用品。安娜·波斯特说,虽然应该说明新人们乐意接受任何礼物,但还可以写下这样的句子,“真正对我们有用的是……” 。波斯特是佛蒙特州伯灵顿市埃米利波斯特学院的礼仪推广机构的发言人。

Be Specific--and Organized 具体——还要有条有理

Telling guests what the money is for can encourage more giving. Many people are more comfortable handing over cash when they know how it will be spent, and when it's clearly something that requires pooled funds.

告诉宾客们将如何使用在婚礼上收到的礼金会促使人们更愿意慷慨解囊。很多人在知道礼金的开销去处、了解到新人确实需要大伙解囊相助的情况下会更乐意把现金作为结婚礼物。

Scores of banks offer bridal savings accounts, which collect contributions toward dream homes--or other dreams. Some banks restrict the use of funds to down payments on a house as a way to bring in business to their mortgage arms. But institutions as wide-ranging as SunTrust Banks Inc., Bank of Utah, Community Financial Services Bank in Kentucky and Mercantile Bank in Illinois, Indiana and Missouri place no restrictions on how the funds can be used.Most charge no fees.

许多银行都提供新人储蓄账户,人们可以通过这种形式为新人们婚后的爱巢或者其他梦想添砖加瓦。一些银行将这笔资金的使用限定在缴纳房子的首付款上,从而为旗下的抵押贷款分支机构带来业务。但是,像SunTrust Banks Inc.、Bank of Utah、肯塔基州的Community Financial Services Bank以及伊利诺伊、印地安那和密苏里州Mercantile Bank等金融机构对这笔资金的用途不设任何限制,而且大多数不收取任何费用。

There are Web sites that offer similar services, but these often charge transaction or registration fees, pay no interest and lack FDIC guarantees.

还有一些网站也提供类似的服务,但是经常会收取交易费或注册费,它们不支付利息,而且没有联邦存款保险公司(FDIC)的保障。

Be Realistic 从实际出发

Most couples that request cash don't receive enough for a full down payment on a house. No one should start signing mortgage papers until they know how much they have to work with.

大多数要求现金礼物的新人筹得的钱都不够支付房子的首付款。在了解到究竟要贷多少款前,新人们不应该签订贷款合同。

Nor should the hosts throw a $150,000 wedding and then claim they don't have money for a new car. Nobody will buy it.

新人也不应该花费15万美元来置办一场婚礼,然后说自己没钱买新车。没有人会为此出钱。

Be Grateful 心存感激

Newlyweds can make their gift-givers feel more appreciated if they include in their thank-you cards a fun picture of themselves enjoying the end result--perhaps sliding down the new banister in their new home.

新婚夫妇如果在致谢卡片中夹带一张展现新生活场景的有趣照片——比如从新房子的新扶手上滑下来的场景——那么送礼物的人们会更能感受到新人的心意。
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