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异地恋情如何让爱情保鲜?

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 It's hard enough to make local relationships work, but having mile, States, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more difficult. However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. Here's how to give yours every chance to survive and thrive.

  经营一段本地恋情已然相当困难,更何况当两人相隔数英里,或者一个州,甚或是一片海洋。然而,成功的异地恋确实存在。以下方法教你把握住每一个机会,让你的异地恋生存并繁荣。

  Step:步骤

  1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship.

  首先要弄明白一些重要的问题,从而更清晰地认识你们两人的关系。

  Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line.

  用些参数来定义一下你们的关系吧,仅仅是想约会、见面、做男女朋友,还是想要订婚?对于单身的人来说,也要定义一下你是不是独身主义者。回答这些问题确实既困难又尴尬,不过这么做可以免去你永无止境的头疼和误解。

  Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?". Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.

  举例来讲:“如果两人的关系更进一步,会考虑搬家吗?”或是:“彼此想从两人的关系中获取什么呢?”定义你的终极目标和理念会让两个人为此共同经营下去。

  2. Do things together. Defy the distance. 统一协作,藐视距离。

  As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important.

  很重要的一点,作为异地情侣,除了平时打电话你们还应该一起做些别的事情。长期打电话是不是很无聊?尝试其他形式的协作非常重要。

  Just think... people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously.

  想想看,非异地的情侣绝不会花很多时间去打电话,而是一起去做一些事情。你们也要尝试着这样做,尽量找点可以一起做的事情,比如看一样的电视节目或电影。

3. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. 不管怎么着,每天都交流,并且尽可能的多些吧。

  Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or web cams for that visual connection.

  尽管你们看不到对方,但是建立和维持情绪上的沟通十分重要。并不总是需要冗长而又有深度的交流。彼此分享小成就或是小挫折。彼此征询意见。发短信或是聊QQ,要不就去视频聊天。

  E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand--you don't take communication for granted!

  尤其当长途电话让你荷包吃紧的时候,不要忘了电子邮件的好处哟。但也要记住电子邮件和短信可能会引起你们之间的误解。写封情书吧。或是没有什么缘由地送点小礼物或者花。这样,交流的数量就会和质量一样重要了。你会发现你甚至比那些非异地恋的人有优势——因为你们不会把交流视为例行工事。

  4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers. 利用异地恋带来的优势。

  More time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email she/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality--something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.

  有更多的时间陪伴你的朋友和家人,不会为鸡毛蒜皮的小事争吵,而且长久分离后的相聚会更加甜蜜。当你遇到对方提出的无理要求或是其他类似情况时,你有更多的时间去决断,而不是像非异地那样给你的爱人当头一棒。更重要的是,你们之间的距离让你得以保持自己的个性——而这些都是容易在情侣日日相处的时光里消磨掉的东西。

5. Pursue common interests. 追求共同的爱好。

  If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

  如果有一个你们都感兴趣的电影上映了,那么各自去看,然后电话交流观后感。同时阅读一本书。打电话时一起做白日梦。让你们的手表每时每刻都显示相同的数字,让你们的闹钟同时响起。在每天的某一时刻同时思念对方,体会此刻对方也在思念你的甜蜜。发挥你的创造力,让你们更贴近彼此。

  6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. 忘却完全控制对方的邪念。

  People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference.

  人生来平等,没有人可以或是应该被其他的人控制。既然你们决定选择这段异地恋情,就要接受这个事实,何况这和异地也没有必然的联系。

  As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match--or someone else is a better match--your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

  如果一方觉得和另一方不是很合得来,或是一方有了更好的对象,那么不论你们是相隔3000英尺还是两条大街,再或是睡一张床上而墙面上还挂着你们的婚纱照,你们的关系都玩完了。而只要你们的关系还在继续,那就要完全地相信对方。

  7. Visit often 多见面

  Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.

  如果时间允许,预算允许,那能多见面就多见面吧。只打电话是不能让感情茁壮成长的。只要有机会,就要面对面。这方面的秘诀是建立一系列关于日常交流和见面的“制度”,坚持执行,这样可以保住你们异地恋的小命儿。

8. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. 不要妒嫉,要信任。

  One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise.

  嫉妒和过激是杀死健康感情最快速的毒药。当你决定开始一段异地恋时,你必须认识到前路艰难。当没有什么能证明事实并不是如此时,你应该认为每个人都天真无邪、值得信任,这么想会有利于你们的关系。

  Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too.

  不要掉入诸如此类的陷阱:比如质问你的另一半为什么要和你不认识的人喝酒,或是为什么对方没有马上回你的电话或短信。正是由于你们身处不同的地方,你们的生活在继续,所以你们彼此当然应该在各自的圈子里有各自的社交生活。你当然需要睁大眼睛,也不能太傻太天真,但过度的猜忌绝对不利于你们的关系。

  9. Know when to say good-bye. 知道怎么说再见。

  While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-uate the relationship. You have to remember that for a healthy relationship, no matter how far or close, you must be willing to let go.

  对任何类型的感情来说,分手都不好受,对异地恋来说更是这样。当时间或说不出来的原因让交流变成只言片语或无比罕见,当争吵频频现身,当整个形势沦为本不该成为的大累赘,那么,是时候重新审视你们的感情了。必须记住,对于健康的感情,无论咫尺或是天涯,该放手时就放手。

  Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.

  异地恋就是情侣间达成平衡关系的一种感情;建立在信任、理解和决心基础上的感情必将有所收获。两个人应当理性地对待共同的期待和意愿,共同努力,这样这份感情就会修成正果。如果以上因素都被认真考虑过了,那么,别有什么好担心的了。
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