中英文作者: 爱尔兰UCD 赖小琪
由于我的住宿费这两天就要交了, 可是家人汇给我的钱还没到, 所以我只能向一起来这边读书的几个深大同学暂时借些钱来交住宿费, 等下周家人给我汇的钱到了才还给他们. 今天终于把住宿费交了, 所以我的QQ签名改为: 感谢暂时借钱给我交住宿费的同学. 结果深圳一个朋友在QQ上找我, 说我为什么不够钱却不找他, 问我是不是还在生他的气, 还说他感到很愧疚, 因为我们之前还是生分了. 我赶紧和他解释说不是没钱, 只是家里的钱没到, 学校这边又催着要交钱了, 所以只能暂时向同学借钱应付过去先.
As I had to pay my accommodation fees these days while the money my family remitted to me had yet to come, I had to turn to several of my friends who came from Shenzhen University with me for help. I will return all the money to them once my account is credited. Today I finally managed to pay the accommodation fees, so my QQ signature was: I am obliged to every friend who lent the money to me. Then one of my friends in Shenzhen asked me through QQ that why I didn’t ask him for help when I was short of money. He also asked me whether I was still angry with him about the matter occurring in the past. He said he felt very guilty to me and also felt very sad at our enlarged distance in friendship. I explained to him immediately that I was not really short of money and that it was because the money my family remitted to me had not come yet that I had to ask my friends here to solve the urgent problem.
看了他的留言, 我突然感到很感动, 仿佛我们又回到了往昔. 我们之前的确发生了一些不愉快的事情, 让我对他挺失望的. 其实朋友之前友情越深, 就越难发生矛盾, 因为大家可以相互体谅. 但是一旦发生不可解决的矛盾时, 两人的关系会立即变冷, 甚至会变成形同陌路, 难以修复. 我和他的矛盾就发生在去年我即将毕业回家的时候. 那时候我由于相信另一位和我非常要好的朋友, 借了些钱给她, 可是怎么也料不到她是骗我的, 到最后连人带钱都消失无踪. 那些钱对于一个工作了的人来讲可能不是什么大数目, 但是对还是学生的我, 却是非同一般. 那时我准备交国外的学费, 一切迫在眉睫, 而我又不敢向父母坦白一切. 自己本身还存了点钱, 可是就算把自己的钱贴上去了, 仍然不够. 无奈之下, 我生平第一次向别人借钱. 虽然以前也借过钱, 可是都是因为身上没带够钱, 借一些小钱来应付一下, 回校后立即还给同学的. 在借钱的过程中, 真的有喜有忧, 或者说句现实一点的话: 真正的朋友和虚假的朋友会立即被区分开来. 当然我也已经有了心理准备, 毕竟这个社会就是这么现实.
Seeing his remarks on QQ, I felt tremendously touched as if our friendship had gone back to the past. Indeed, something unhappy had occurred between us, which had made me feel disappointed with him. Actually, the deeper a friendship is, the more difficult the two friends will come into conflicts, because they have a sound understanding of each other. However, once an unsolvable conflict takes place, the friendship may chill down rapidly to the extent that two friends become strangers and have no talks any more. The conflict between him and me took place last year when I was about to go home after graduation. At that time, due to my over-trust in one of my best friends, I lent her a large sum of money without realizing that she was cheating me. Finally she vanished with all the money. The money I lent to her was not a big sum to those who had worked. But for me who was still a student then, it was a great sum. At that time, I was about to pay the tuition fees for my overseas schooling and I dare not tell my parents the whole matter. Though I had earned some money from part-time jobs, it was not enough to cover the money I lent to my friend. Without any other means, I had to borrow money from my friends for the first time. Though I had also borrowed money from others in the past, it was because I did not take money with me at that time and it was a small sum that I could pay after I went back to school. During the process of borrowing money, I felt both happy and sad. During this process, speaking realistically, true friends would be singled out immediately. Of course, I did not feel too much shocked at this reality because I had prepared psychologically before I held my hands to others for money.
我所找的朋友都是平时和我关系很好的, 起码我当他们是好朋友的. 我和上面所说的那位朋友虽然当时只是认识了一年多一点, 要是我们的友情是很深厚的, 因为我们曾经一起经历过很多东西. 我非常讨厌欠别人钱的感觉, 所以不到万不得已我是不会向别人借钱的. 但是当时我可以说是走投无路了. 所以我找到了他和他说了情况. 其实我向别人借钱, 并不是说别人就一定要借钱给我, 因为借不借是别人的权利, 我没有资格强迫别人, 就算是好朋友也是这样. 但是我必须要对方给我一个答复: 行还是不行. 因为如果对方说不行的话, 我可以另外想办法, 而不用空等. 当时那位朋友在QQ上和我说, 他当时在上海, 身上没有带太多钱, 只有两千. 当时我想, 既然他人在上海, 我也不想麻烦他了, 怕耽误他做事. 所以我本来已经想作罢, 自己再另想办法. 可是第二天, 他看到我上Q了, 就继续和我谈, 具体谈什么我已经忘了, 但是当时的话语间我感觉得到他好像是有办法帮我的. 谈着谈着, 他突然说了一句: “你等等啊, 我老板找我, 回头聊.”
The people I turned to at that time were all my good friends, or I should say at least I treated them as my good friends. Though I knew the friend I mentioned above for only one year, our friendship was very deep because we had gone through a lot of things in the past. I did hate borrowing money from others, so unless I was dreadfully cornered, I would not borrowed money from others easily. But at that time, I really had no way to go, so I told him everything, wishing that he could lend me some. To be honest, I did not think that others should lend me money when I asked them for it, because it was their right to choose to give or not. I knew that I was not entitled to force others, even though they were my good friends. But I expected them to give me a reply about giving or not, because if they said no, I could try other ways instead of waiting in vain. When my friend told me he was in Shanghai, I did not want to trouble him any more for fear that it would disturb his work. So I had planned to turn to others for help. But the next day, he talked to me in QQ. I could not remember clearly the details of our talk, but I came to a sense that he was likely to help me. When we were talking, he suddenly told me, “Please wait a minute! My boss is summoning me and I will be back later!”
我当时听了顿时松了一口气, 我以为他会有办法帮我的, 起码可能会叫他深圳的朋友先拿钱给我度过难关, 等他回来再把钱给他们. 然而就是这一句 “等等”, 让我等到把钱都凑齐了, 仍然没有丝毫的音讯. 我记得我后来一直在等. 一天, 两天, 三天……每一天我的希望就减一分, 但是我仍然心存希冀: 或许他是因为忙才没联系我的, 可能快忙完了. 然而到了第五天, 随着交学费的日子迫近, 我已经无法再等了.也就是那一刻, 我的希望完全破灭. 最后在另一个上海朋友刘某人的帮助下, 我完全解决了问题. 至今为止, 我仍然非常感激刘某人, 在我遇到困难时, 可以毫不犹豫地帮助我, 这才是真正的友情!
At hearing this, I felt a total relief, thinking that he would help me by at least asking his friend in Shenzhen to lend me some money first. Nevertheless, after I had raised enough money, I still did not get any message from him. I remember I kept waiting for him all the time. Time passed day by day with my hope diminishing gradually. But still, I harbored a hope that he did not contact me maybe because he was too busy and that he would contact me soon. But when it came to the fifth day, with the time to pay the tuition fees impending, I could not wait any more. It was also at that moment that my hope was entirely shattered. At the final moment, another of my friends in Shanghai helped me out. Until now, I still feel greatly appreciative of him for helping me without hesitation when I was in troubles. That is real friendship!
后来我就没有联系那位朋友了, 觉得联系下去也没有什么意思. 每当想起我们曾经的友情以及现在的状况, 我都感慨万千. 不可否认, 我很想挽回我们之间的情谊, 然而事已至此, 我已经不知道可以做什么了. 直到我出国前大概半个月左右, 那位朋友发了一个QQ信息给我. 他当然也知道我我们的友情已经今非昔比了, 所以他和我说: “小琪, 或许在你的心中, 我已经不是一个什么好人, 但不管怎样, 谢谢你以前的帮助, 祝你在国外学习顺利.” 我回复他说: “你知道吗? 当初我并不是怪你不借钱给我, 我从来也没会怪别人不借钱给我, 因为那是别人的权利, 不是义务. 我生气是因为你没有给我一个答复就失踪了, 让我白白等了这么多天.” 然后大家就在QQ上平心静气地谈了那件事情的始末, 我也没有怪他了. 可是那时, 我仍然对这份友情有所保留, 总觉得我们再难以回到过去那种无话不谈的境界. 我想, 那是因为我们彼此的心中都有一根刺, 虽然已经不痛了, 可是仍然搁在那里不舒服.
In the days coming, I did not contact that friend in Shenzhen any more, thinking that it was meaningless to keep that friendship. Every time I thought of our previous friendship and the current condition, I would sigh helplessly. Undoubtedly, I was eager to revive our friendship, but I really had no idea what to do at that time. This situation lasted until half a month ago before I went abroad, my friend sent me a message in QQ. He might have known our deteriorating friendship, so he said to me, “Dear Xiaoqi, maybe I am not a good man in your heart any more. But anyway, thank you for your help in the past and wish you a smooth study journey abroad.” I replied to him, “You know, I am not blaming you for not having lent money to me. I am angry because you did not give me a reply before you disappeared, leaving me waiting for you for so many days!” Then we had a long and peaceful talk on the whole matter and I did not blame him since then. However, I still reserved something for our friendship, thinking that it was hard to recover as well as before. Both of us had a sting in our hearts that made us uncomfortable though not painful.
我来了爱尔兰以后, 我们在QQ上也聊了好几次天. 话题都是关于生活和工作的. 同时他也叫我帮他找一个英语家教. 毕竟大家朋友一场, 这样的小忙我肯定也是义不容辞的. 而真正把我心中那根刺拔去的是发生在大概一周前的事情. 我记得那天早上, 他突然在QQ上找我, 对我说: “小琪, 你在外面读书够不够钱啊? 不够钱尽管和我说啊. 我最近做生意赚了点钱, 可以帮你的. 上次没有帮到你, 我感到很愧疚. 你不要忌恨我啊, 我不想失去你这个一生一世的朋友!” 那一刻, 我心里一震, 怔怔地望着QQ屏幕, 感动得半晌说不出话来. 同时也在那一刻, 我们曾经所有的误会与隔阂也烟消云散. 看到这里, 你可能已经明白了为什么他今天看到我的QQ签名会说出那样的话.
After I came to Ireland, we talked on QQ for several times about life and work. Meantime, he asked me to help him find an English tutor. I would definitely help me with this small stuff because we were still friends. But what had totally pulled out the “sting” in our hearts happened one week ago. I remember on that morning, he said to me on QQ, “Hi Xiaoqi, do you have ample money to study abroad? If not, please feel free to help me! I have earned some money recently and could help you. I felt awfully guilty for not helping you last time, so please do not hold grudge against me. You know I do not want to lose our life-long friendship!” At that time, my heart felt shocked, leaving me staring at my computer and feeling considerably moved in silence! It was also at that moment that our misunderstandings and gaps vanished thoroughly. Reading my diary until now, you may have guessed why he would say something like that above when he saw my QQ signature.
想想从前的一切, 我突然心生感悟: 友情可以很坚强, 也可以很脆弱. 友情的坚强是建立在大家互相信任互相帮助的基础之上的. 而一旦这个基础没有了, 友情也就荡然无存. 其实人生在世, 能有几个知己好友? 或许你认识的人很多, 可是大部分也只是萍水相逢, 是你人生中的匆匆过客. 只有少数的真朋好友, 才会和你终生保持联系, 在你得意时为你高兴, 失意时替你分忧. 所以, 我现在和我那位朋友一样, 愈加感受到友情的弥足珍贵! 好的朋友犹如亲兄弟, 让人备感温暖.
Thinking of everything in the past, I am suddenly enlightened that friendship can be very strong as well as very fragile. A strong friendship is underpinned by mutual trust and help. Once this underpinning fades away, friendship will be nothing at all. Every one of us has limited number of good friends. Maybe you know a wealth of people, but most of them are only acquaintances or passers-by in your life. Only a small handful of people can be your good friends who will maintain with you a life-long contact. They can feel happy for your happiness and sorrowful for your sorrows. Therefore, I, along with my friend mentioned above, feel a greater preciousness in friendships. Good friends are just like brothers who can make you feel warm!
当友情出现了裂痕, 我们一定要反省一下究竟是哪里出错了. 特别是对一直以来很深的友谊, 如果突然有一天大家变得生疏了, 一定要把误会和矛盾澄清, 不可听之任之, 否则最后两个人只会形同陌路. 如果问题在自己的身上, 一定要及时道歉, 说明情况; 如果问题在于对方, 也不能一声不吭, 以为沉默是金. 有时对方可能意识到自己错了,可是碍于面子不敢向你坦白. 这时, 如果你能主动找回对方, 并且和他好好沟通, 我想大家都会更加了解彼此, 化解所有的过错. 而如果沟通过后对方仍然坚持己见, 那么就算友情最终一去不返, 你也可以了无遗憾.
When cracks appear in friendships, we should reflect on ourselves about what has gone wrong. Particularly for a good friendship, if one day two good friends are not as close as before, they should dismiss all the misunderstandings and conflicts. Otherwise, good friends will also become strangers. If the problem lies in yourself, you should apologize timely and explain the whole matter; if the problem lies in your friend, you should not just keep silent. Sometimes your friend may also have realized his mistake but dare not talk to you due to his face. At this moment, if you can go to him first and have a good talk with him, you can have a better understanding of each other and all the misunderstandings will be dissipated. But if your friend still insists that he is right and reluctant to apologize, you will not feel any regret though the friendship has gone forever.
所以, 我想, 要是当初我的朋友不主动联系我向我道歉, 我也肯定不会去联系他, 本来一生一世的友谊也就永远失去了. 因此我意识到我也有责任的. 我一直认为, 错的一方一定要向对的方主动认错. 然而这个世界上, 很多事情本来就没所谓对与错. 对与错只是相对而言的. 但不管如何, 如果对的一方可以向错的一方及时友好示意, 表示谅解, 那么很多误会也就可以得以消除. 做人做事, 客观讲理固然是一种好品格, 但是现在我更加推崇另一种观念: 于己以严, 于人以宽. 这句话的意思是, 对自己要严格要求, 不可以做出对不起别人的事情; 对别人要宽容, 特别是当别人对你有无心之失时. 过分斤斤计较, 无容人之量, 只会让自己深陷于围城之中, 弹尽粮绝而亡.
Therefore, I think if my friend did not apologize to me first, I would not contact him any more and our friendship would have been lost forever. So I realize that should also be responsible for this matter. I had thought in the past that the “wrong” should always take the initiative to apologize to the “right”. However, in this world, oftentimes there are no so-called “right” and “wrong”. “right” and “wrong” are just comparative terms. But anyway, if the “right” can show a friendly hand to the “wrong” first, many misunderstandings can be eliminated. Sticking to the right common sense is definitely a good quality, but I am prone to adore another philosophy: Be strict with myself and be generous to others. It means we should be strict with ourselves in trying not to do any harm to others while generous to others when they do wrong to us, especially if they do so unintentionally. If you are too mean and stingy, you will only perish by trapping yourself into a corner.