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访美归来绝望自杀,富家公子死于精神“贫血症”

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访美归来绝望自杀,富家公子死于精神“贫血症”

作者:鸿雁 摘自《家庭》期刊

译者:深圳大学 赖小琪



2009年4月10日,大连市一名高一男生在家中自杀身亡。在他的床头柜上,一封不到50个字的遗书错字连篇,但透过那简短的文字,能让人看到一个少年的绝望与无助。闻讯赶回家的父母无论如何也想不到,纵使千万身家,也换不回儿子的花样年华。他们对儿子的第一次真正地了解,居然是在他的生命凋零之后……

On April 10th, 2009, a senior middle school student in Dalian City committed suicide at home. There was a short letter of less than 50 words on the desk beside his bed, which was full of spelling mistakes. Yet, through the brief letter, we could learn great desperation and helplessness of this teenager. At the news, his parents rushed back home. Never had them imagined even though they had countless wealth, they could by no means revive their son. Only after their son’s death did they begin understanding him.

(一)

上高中之前,姜浩是“读书无用论”的拥护者,这完全是受了他的父母的感染。

Before senior middle school, affected by his parents, Jiang Hao upheld the notion that study was useless.

姜浩的父亲姜春阳与母亲刘兰都只有初中文化,来自大连的农村,但作为第一批海参养殖户,1992年姜浩出生时,他们的存款就有了100多万元。等到海参养殖遍地开花后,他们早已另立山头,做起了房产装修工程。具体地说,就是一个楼盘盖好后,所有的水、电、气等配套工程都可以交给他们公司来完成。姜春阳头脑灵活、为人豪爽,主要负责外联,刘兰性格泼辣、吃苦耐劳,主要负责人员管理与财务。随着房地产开发如火如荼,他们公司一年365天难得有一个休息日。姜浩刚满月,就被丢给了奶奶和保姆。

Jiang Hao’s father, Jiang Chunyang, and mother, Liu Lan, only finished middle school education. They came from countrysides in Dalian. But as the pioneers of raising

sea cucumbers, they fast reached over one million yuan when their son was born in 1992. When sea cucumber raising became prevailing afterwards, they entered into another profession and began property renovation. To be specific, they undertook the work of arranging water, electricity and gas inside a building after it was finished. Jiang Chunyang had a flexible and outgoing mind, which helped him a lot in communicating outside, while Liu Lan was iron-willed and industrious, which made her responsible for management and finance. With property industry increasingly blooming, they could hardly find a day off. One month after Jiang Hao’s birth, he was left in the hands of his grandmother and the babysitter.

没有时间陪伴儿子,姜春阳夫妇只能尽力在金钱上无限地满足孩子。在父母的娇宠下,姜浩在幼儿园,以物质诱惑团结了一批小朋友,经常欺负小女孩或是他看不顺眼的同学。以至于有幼儿园的家长联合抗议:不开除姜浩,他们就集体退园。

Without too much time to stay with their son, the couple could only meet his demand in money. Under the indulgence of his parents, Jiang Hao enrolled a group of students in the kindergarten with money and often bullied little girls or other students, so much so that some parents united to boycott the school and claim that if Jiang Hao was not dismissed, they would never let their children study in the school any more.

这样的投诉,姜春阳和刘兰并不恼火,以他们在商海多年的经验,孩子横一点,总比受人欺负强。所以,每次姜浩闯祸,从父母那里非但听不到批评,反而是鼓励。

Confronting all these complaints, Jiang Chunyang and Liulan did not feel the least sense of irritation. According to their business experience, they thought that it was better for their son to be strong rather than to be bullied by others. Therefore, each time Jiang Hao made mistakes, he would never get critism but encouragement from his parents.

1998年9月,姜浩上小学了。半个学期下来,姜浩10以内的加减法都不会算,还被调了三次班,哪个老师看到他都头疼。第一个学期期末考试结束时,校长拿着姜浩只得了21分的数学卷和37分的语文卷,将姜春阳叫到办公室,语重心长地表示:“这孩子上课从不听讲,调皮捣蛋成性,我们担心再这样下去,孩子就废了。跟你说实话,我从教快30年了,还从没见过这样的学生。”姜春阳也很坦诚:“校长,真是让您费心了。真人不说假话,我们这些年赚的钱,姜浩就是两辈子也花不完。所以,我也不想为难孩子。再说,上了大学又能咋地?工作照样不好找。我和他妈也就初中毕业,论做生意,10个大学生也不是俺俩的对手。”

In Septermber, 1998, Jiang Hao went to primary school. After half a semester, he did not know to do the calculation within 10 and was arranged to other classes for three times. All teachers felt a headache when seeing him. At the end of the semester, the principal called Jiang Chunyang to his office and showed him his son’s final paper with 21 scores in maths and 37 in Chinese. The principal said seriously, “Your son did not listen to the teacher in class and was extremely playful. If it goes on, his future will be ruined. To tellyou the truth, I have been teaching for 30 years, but I did not see a student like him.” Jiang said frankly, “Dear principal, thank you for your kindly care. But to be frank, we have earned enormous money these years, which could support our son all his life. So we do not want him to feel painstaking. What’s more, going to college is nothing wonderful. After graduation, it is also very difficult to find a job. His mother and I only have middle school qualification, but in business world, none of the college students can stand in line with us.”

姜春阳的话,让校长哑口无言。可这是姜春阳夫妇的真实想法,让姜浩上学并不是为了让他学出啥出息,就是有个地方可待。

Hearing his words, the principal felt stunned and speechless. But it was the couple’s authetic thought that school was only a place for Jiang Hao to stay in, not for his future.

有了父母这样的想法与行动撑腰,姜浩更加无心向学。最后发展到老师将他单独安排在一边,允许他上课睡觉、打游戏,甚至去操场玩,只要不影响别的同学就行。从小学三年级下学期开始,姜浩就被当作特例没有参加任何一场考试。这些特权,都是父母用金钱铺路,为他争取来的。久而久之,读书无用、金钱万能的思想,深深根植于姜浩的人生观。

With his parents’ great support, Jiang Hao hated study’s guts. Finally, the teacher arranged him to sit solely on side and allowed him to sleep, play games and even go to the playground in class, as long as he did not affect other students. Since the second semester in grade three, he did not attend any exam. All these priviliges were gained with his parents’ money. Over time, the idea been deeply rooted in Jiang Hao’s mind that study was useless and money was everything.

2007年秋天,姜春浩花钱将儿子送进私立高中。

In the autumn of 2007, Jiang Chunyang sent his son to private senior middle school with money.

2008年7月,美国一所高中邀请20名大连高中生去美国参加夏令营活动。名额竞争激烈,学校选送的都是品学兼优的学生。最后,姜春阳居然以赞助20个学生和5位带队教师往返机票的方式,为姜浩争取到一个宝贵的名额。 正是这次美国之旅,彻底改变了姜浩的人生。

In July, 2008, a senior school in America invited 20 students in Dalian City to participate in a summer camp activity in America. The competition was extremely fierce and only the students with exceptional academic performance and personal qualities could be selected. However, at last, Jiang Chunyang gained a place for his son by sponsoring the flight tickets of 20 students and 5 teachers. It was this journey that changed Jiang Hao’s life radically.



(二)

25人的访问团于7月19日从大连出发,先坐火车去北京。20个孩子中,除了姜浩,个个都是尖子生,姜浩很快感觉到自己与他们格格不入。他们热烈地讨论着即将召开的奥运会,对各个项目有可能夺金的中国运动员如数家珍。姜浩不甘被冷落,插了一句嘴:“奥运会的金牌是多少克重的?北京应该有卖吧?回头咱也去买一个。”此言一出,立即遭到大家围攻,10多张伶牙俐齿的嘴让姜浩根本没有还击之力,最后还是老师平息了这场“战事”。

The team of 25 people set out from Dalian in 19th, July and firstly took a train to Beijing. Among the 20 students, except Jiang Hao, all the others were exceptional learners. Jiang felt he did not belong to them. When they were heatedly discussing the upcoming Olympic Games and naming one by one the potential gold medal winners, Jiang Hao did not want to be left alone and said, “ How many grams does a gold medal weigh? Can we buy it in Beijing? I will buy one after I come back.” All of a sudden, he was attacked orally by others without any resistance. At last, the teacher stopped the “war”.

不一会儿,姜浩发现两个同学还未离开国土,就开始用英文对话。他很不服气地讥讽道:“说鸟语了不起吗?臭显摆什么呀?”一个同学轻蔑地用英文骂了姜浩一句,姜浩敏感地问:“你说什么?”对方用中文回答:“我说你真酷。”姜浩得意地撇了一下嘴,却看到其他同学都在捂着嘴,强忍着不笑出声来。哑巴吃黄连的姜浩很窝火,大声叫道:“你们这些小人,吃着我的,用着我的,对我这么不客气!都给我滚下车,走到美国去!”一句话犯了众怒,19个同学纷纷掏出自己的钱包,拿出钱来,递给姜浩:“是你爸死气白赖地求着给我们出机票的,现在我们不需要了,你拿着这些钱,下车!我们大家不欢迎你。”见惹众怒,姜浩这才觉得形势不妙,只好坐回座位,一路沉默。这之后,他明显感觉到大家对他的排斥。

After a while, Jiang Hao found two students chatting in English. He felt uncomfortable and said ironically, “It is nothing glorious to speak English. Why do you show off?” a student blamed him in English contemptuously. Jiang asked sensitively, “What are you saying?” the student replied in Chinese, “You are so cool!” Jiang felt happy, but soon he realized that other students were trying to hold back their laughters. Then Jiang became downright annoyed and shouted, “You villains! All your fees are on my own, but you treat me like that! Get out of the plane and walk to America!” his statement irritated all other students. They all opened their wallets and gave money to Jiang, saying, “It is your father who begged for paying our tickets. Now we do not need it any more! please get our money and get off the train ! You are not welcome!” Feeling something went terribly wrong, Jiang had to sit down and kept silent. After that, he could sense that others repelled him.

而真正的丢人现眼还是到了美国之后。美国学生为迎接来自中国的朋友,做了充分的准备,有些孩子光问题就罗列了四五张A4纸,且内容相当丰富,民族的、自然的、社会的,无所不及。其他19个孩子英文都不错,很快就和美国学生聊得火热,唯独姜浩,杵在那里干着急。

But the realy humiliation occurred after they arrived in America. In order to receive friends from China, American students did full preparation and listed all the questions on as many as 4 or 5 pieces of paper of A4. The content was very abundant, ranging from Ethnicity to the current society. The other 19 students had a good command of English and chatted with local students happily, only leaving Jiang standing there helplessly.

整整五个小时的交流会,姜浩一句话没听懂。最后,一个美国孩子过来,礼貌地问姜浩的带队老师:“他是不是哑巴?我会手语。”老师赶紧解释:“由于路上晕机和时差的关系,他很不舒服。”那个孩子友好地拍拍姜浩的肩膀,做同情状。姜浩问老师,他说了什么,老师委婉地说,他问你是不是哪里不舒服。这时,同行的一个很看不惯姜浩的孩子凑过来,把他拉到一边,假装热心地对他说:“老师骗你。那个美国同学问,你是不是哑巴,如果是的话,他可以用手语跟你交流。早知道这样,出国前你应该去接受一下手语的急训。”那个同学话音刚落,姜浩就重重地打出了一拳,同学的鼻子顿时血流如注。可想而知,这样的斗殴让大家觉得,姜浩把脸都丢到美国去了。

During the 5-hour communication, Jiang did not understand even one sentence. Finally, an American student came up and asked the teacher politely, “Is he dumb? I know sign language.” The teacher explained, “No, he just felt sick due to plane sickness and the time difference.” The student patted Jiang’s shoulder and showed great sympathy. Jiang asked the teacher what the student said. The teacher told him that the student asked him whether he felt uncomfortable. At this moment, another Chinese student came to Jiang and said to him, “The teacher told you a lie. The American student asked whether you are dumb or not,. If yes, he would chat with you in sign language. You should have received sign language training before you came here.” Hearing this, Jiang held out a fist and heavily beat him in the face. The student’s nose was bleeding nonstop. This event humiliated all the students in America.

最难堪的事情还在后头,夏令营还有一个重要的活动就是生存考验:在规定的时间内,让大家身无分文地出去谋生。队伍刚撒出去不久,姜浩就出事了——由于内急,又不懂英文,找不到公厕,他居然在街角随地小便,被当地市民送到了警察局。带队老师和夏令营的美国老师去警局接他时,中国老师的脸都气得发紫了。同学们知道了这件事,更是视他为耻辱。

The most shameful thing was still waiting ahead. There was another important activity, named living challenge. Specifically, every student should go out to make a living without taking any money within given time. Soon after the activity began, Jiang met his trouble. He wanted to go to the toilet, but as he did not know English, he could not find it. So he had to do it around the street corner. At last, he was sent to the police station by local citizens. The Chinese teacher, along with American teacher came to the police office to get him back angrily. All the students saw him as a shame.

那几天,姜浩很压抑,没有好好吃饭。一天晚上,他去酒店一楼超市买吃的,回来后,一个人默默地吃着。过了很久,同室的同学才恨铁不成钢地对姜浩说:“你买的是狗粮。”没有人笑,对于姜浩,大家打心底里反感。姜浩终于知道,最大的冷漠不是嘲笑,而是视而不见。那天晚上,姜浩把自己埋在被子里,哭得很伤心。

During those several days, Jiang felt terribly depressed and did not eat well. One night, he went to the supermarket on the first floor of the hotel to buy something to eat. After coming back to the dormitory, he ate the food silently. After a long time, his roommate told him that what he bought was dog food. Nobody laughed any more. everyone felt disgusted at him. Jiang finally knew that the greatest apathy was not ridicule, but being ignored. That night, he covered himself with quilt and cried miserably.

回国途中,同学们都热烈地讨论着此行的收获,唯独姜浩沉默不语。火车快到大连时,带队的一位姓李的老师把姜浩叫到开水间,对他说:“姜浩,你还认为读书没有用吗?”姜浩迷茫地看着老师:“我不知道。”“不读书,你连厕所都找不到,连食品说明都看不明白,这是最简单的道理。还有更深层的,不读书,脑袋里没有东西,你就永远不会思考,不会交流,只能跟那些同样不识字的人聊天气、问吃了吗?仅凭这些,你根本没有资格说读书无用。有钱是好的,但有些东西是钱买不到,比如说快乐,比如说友情,比如说爱情婚姻等等。姜浩,你还小,从现在开始努力,一切都来得及。别让自己成为除了钱什么都没有的人。”李老师的话,姜浩听进去了,他也决定,要好好学习,不要做连厕所都找不到的人。

On the way back to home country, everyone was heatedly discussing what they have learnt through this journey. Only Jiang maintained speechless. When the train was approaching Dalian, the teacher, Mr Li had a talk with Jiang before the restroom and said, “Jiang Hao, do you still think that study is useless?” Jiang looked at him bemused and said, “I don’t know.” The teacher kept saying, “Without knowledge, you could not even find the WC and food instruction. Without knowledge, you don’t know how to think and communicate. You can only talk with those illiterates about weather. Money is very significant, but it cannot buy everything such as happines, friendship, etc. You are still young now, so it is not late for you to learn now. Don’t put yourself into a place without anything but money.” Jiang felt enlightened after hearing the teacher’s words and decided to study hard in the future.

回国后,出于对姜浩负责任,李老师将姜浩在国外的表现,向姜春阳作了详细的汇报,希望他能够以这次出国为契机,让姜浩从此以后好好学习。不想,姜春阳很不耐烦地听完后,极不在乎地说:“没想到你们这么不地道!我出钱,还让我儿子受了这么多的窝囊气。”

After coming back from abroad, out of responsibility, Mr Li reported to Jiang Chunyang his son’s performance and hoped that he could seize this opportunity to motivate his son to study hard. However, surprisingly, Jiang Chunyang felt terribly impatient and said casually, “I did not imagine you were so bad. I afforded your trip but you rendered my son so much trouble.”

(三)

从美国回来之后,姜浩的变化很大。姜浩的班主任记得,2008年9月的一天,姜浩到办公室找她,很诚恳地请教:“老师,我想好好学习,但上课时我什么也听不懂,你说我该怎么办?”班主任很吃惊也很高兴,对姜浩说:“好好学习有许多种,首先让自己养成良好的学习习惯也算一种。你的底子很差,建议让爸爸妈妈给你请个家教,把初中的课程补一补。老师得给你打个预防针,这个过程可能挺辛苦,需要毅力。思想有反复时,别忘了来找老师,帮你打打气。”姜浩很认真地点点头,走出了门,又折了回来规规矩矩地给班主任鞠了一躬。这一鞠躬,让班主任当时就热泪盈眶。

Coming back from America, Jiang Hao changed a lot. His headteacher remembers clearly that one day in September of 2008, Jiang Hao came to her office and asked her sincerely, “Teacher, I would like to study hard, but I cannot understand what the teacher said in class, so could you give me some advice?” The teacher felt surprised as well as delighted. She said to him, “There are many ways for you to study hard. First of all, you need to foster a good study habit. Your foundation is very weak, so I hope your parents can employ a tutor to help you with middle school courses. But I need to tell you ahead of time that this journy is very tough and great perseverance is needed. If you come across some hesitation in the future, do not hesitate to come to me! I will cheer for you!” Jiang listened to the teacher carefully and nodded sincerely. After he went out of the office, he came back again and presented a big bow to the teahcer, which made her tear uncontrollably.

那天回家后,姜浩把爸爸妈妈都叫回家,说了想请家教补课的决定。姜春阳和刘兰当然为儿子感到高兴,但他们还是给儿子留足了退路:“儿子,学不进去就不用太勉强。有爸妈在,你肯定过得一点儿都不比别人差。”这话,在姜浩听来,就是对他能力的不信任,他很气愤地对爸妈说:“你们怎么就知道我学不进去?我非要学个样儿来给你们看!”

After going back home that day, Jiang told his parents that he intended to invite some tutors to help him with his lessons. His parents felt very happy, but they still left a way out for their son by saying that if he did not want to study, he could give up. But to Jiang Hao, such statements seemed distrust on his ability. Therefore, he said angrily to his parents, “How do you know I cannot study well? I will!”

姜浩有向上的愿望,但缺乏自律的意志力。姜春阳为姜浩请了语文、数学、英语、物理、化学五门家教,还请了两个保姆,一个是五星级酒店的退休厨师,专门负责给老师和姜浩做饭,另一个是退休的高三班主任,专门在家教之余,辅导姜浩的学习。

Jiang Hao had great ambition to make progress, but he lacked self-discipline. His father invited five tutors responsible for Chinese, Mathmatics, English, Physics and chemistry respectively for him. He also employed two nursemaids, one was a veteran chef in a five-star hotel and responsible for cooking for Jiang ,the other was a retired teacher in Grade three of high school and responsible for his study.

老师们都看得出来,姜浩十分努力。有时困了,听不进去,姜浩就对老师说:“老师,你掐掐我的脚吧。”老师不动手,姜浩就自己掐。但不睡觉,不代表就听得进去。一次,姜浩沮丧地对物理老师说:“看着这些公式,我咋就像去美国时,听他们说英语似的,一点都不往脑子里进呢?”老师只好安慰他:“慢慢来,不着急,我再讲一遍。”

All teachers could see that Jiang was trying his best to study. Sometimes when he felt tired in class, he would ask the teacher to pinch his legs. If the teacher did not do it, he would do it by himself. But sometimes even though he did not feel tired, he could not understand what the teacher said. One day, he felt discouraged and said to his physics teacher, “Seeing these formulas I just felt like going to America and listening to English. I could not understand at all!” The teacher could only comfort him and explain to him again.

这五科当中,姜浩学英语的劲头是最足的。老师每天除了从字母和音标教起,还会教他一句口语。姜浩很上心,过春节,跟爸妈回姥姥家时,还主动跟上初三的表弟对话。结果表弟笑得一塌糊涂:“哥,你说的是带着严重海蛎子味的大连英语!”这句话,让比表弟高出一头的姜浩很难为情,也很受打击。

Among the five subjects, Jiang learnt English most industriously. Every day the teacher would teach him letters and phonetics as well as one sentence. Jiang studied very hard. In Spring Festival, he went to visit his grandparents with his parents and took the initiaitve to talk with his cousin in English. But his cousin laughed at his strong-accent English. It deeply struck Jiang’s confidence.

春节那些天,他没有像往年那样留在姥姥家漫山遍野地疯跑,而是早早回到家,家教还没开工,他一个人捧着那些书发呆。有时,明明困得头如捣蒜,却仍然不肯脱衣上床睡觉。从前的混世魔王变得越来越沉默。姜春阳和刘兰都看到了儿子的变化,很心疼。姜春阳每次回家,见到儿子的第一句就是:“小子,没钱了就跟爸吱声。最近学习那么辛苦,花钱放松放松。”刘兰则稍微含蓄一些:“浩浩,我和你爸都初中毕业,不也混得很好吗?你干吗为难自己!”刘兰甚至跟家教老师一个个打招呼:“你们不要太为难我儿子,如果把他逼出病来,别怪我们不客气!”

During those days, he did not play wildly as usual in his grandparents’ home. Instead, he went back home very early and held the book silently. Sometimes he felt weary, but he did not go to bed. The once playful boy then turned more and more speechless. Jiang Chunyang and Liu Lan witnessed their son’s changes and felt heartbroken. Each time Jiang Chunyang went back home, he said to his son, “My dear son, if you need money, just tell me! You have been studying so hard these days, so take some money out for a relaxation!” Liu Lan, on the other hand, said in an indirect way, “Your father and I merely graduated from middle school, but we also do well in business. So why do you need to trouble yourself in study?” She even said to every tutor, “You should not push my son too hard! Otherwise, if he is ill, I will attribute the responsibility to you.”

让姜浩最受重创的,还是物理家教的离去。那位姓张的老师很委婉地告诉姜浩:“我不能教你了,家里出了些事情。”姜浩问老师:“是不是我太笨了。”张老师摸了一下姜浩的头,说:“姜浩,你变化挺大的,坚持下去。”姜浩刚想跟老师道别,恰好爸爸回家了。姜春阳看着儿子对老师有些依依不舍,便大着嗓门对老师说:“张老师,不就是钱吗?想加多少,你开个价,不用为难孩子。”张老师回了一句:“不是钱的事。姜浩就毁在你们家太有钱了。”然后不辞而别。姜浩当时眼圈儿就红了,这让姜春阳更加恼火:“你一个男孩子怎么没事就挤猫尿?我最看不惯了!信不信我掐死你?”姜浩强忍着没有让眼泪流下来,小声地说了一句:“我也想掐死我自己。”

The most striking thing to Jiang Hao was the departure of his physics tutor, Mr Zhang. He told Jiang that there was something happening to his family, so he could not continue teaching him. Jiang asked him, “Is it because I am too stupid?” Zhang said, “No. You have made a lot of progress. You should keep on!” Jiang Hao wanted to say goodbye to his teacher. At that time, his father came home. Seeing his son not want the teacher leave, he said loudly to the teacher, “Mr Zhang, how much money do you want?” Zhang replied, “It is not a problem of money. Jiang Hao is ruined by your money.” Then he left. Jiang Hao teared at that time. His father felt irritated and said, “Why do you such a man cry so easily? I hate it! If you cry, I will kill you!” Jiang had to hold back his tears, but he said to himself, “ I also want to kill myself.”

张老师走后,其他几个老师也陆续以各种理由离开了姜家。姜浩送走了最后一个老师后,把家里的两个保姆都送走了,他说:“你们不用陪我了,我就是一个废人。”姜浩没有回学校,因为他觉得那里没有谁会想念他。他又开始上网,想开个博客,倒倒心中的郁闷。可是,繁琐的注册手续还是让他放弃了。无所事事,他只能打游戏,没日没夜。他也试图结交网友,QQ聊天,可是没说几句话,人家就说“你是初中生吧”,拒绝再和他深聊。

After Zhang’s departure, the other teachers left Jiang Hao with various excuses one by one. After Jiang saw the last teacher away, he also dismissed the two nursemaids. He said to them, “You do not need to stay with me any more. I am a useless man.” Jiang did not go to school, because he felt that no one would miss him there. He became addicted to internet and wanted to register a blog. But the complex formalities kept him outdoor. Without anything to do, he played computer games all day. He also tried to make friends online, but when others knew that he was only a middle school student, they refused to talk with him on QQ.

2009年3月的一天,姜浩出去吃饭时,在肯德基遇到了跟他一起去美国的李老师。姜浩刚想过去打招呼,看到好多学生围着李老师在热议中国嫦娥一号卫星成功撞月。见到李老师,姜浩像遇到久别的亲人一样,有些高兴,但一想到自己在美国的那些经历,又很害怕跟他打招呼。于是,他买了一份“外带全家桶”,让服务员送到李老师那儿去。他快出门时,李老师追了出来:“姜浩,怎么不打个招呼就走?”“李老师,我学习还那么差,没脸见你。而且,我一张嘴说话就让人烦。”“可是,老师觉得你现在比原来稳重多了,肯定想了很多问题。留个手机号给你,随时欢迎你来倾诉心事。”姜浩掏出手机,十分认真地记下了,然后,跟李老师说了再见。

One day in March, 2009, Jiang went out to have lunchand met Mr Li in KFC, a teacher who went to America with him. Jiang wanted to say hello to him, but he did not do it for there were a lot of students discussing the current event with him. Seeing Mr Li, Jiang felt like meeting a very close relative and felt very delighted. But thinking of the experiences in America, he dare not talk with him. He ordered some food and asked the servant to deliver it to him. When he was about to leave, Mr Li caught up with him and said, “Hi Jianghao, why don’t you chat with me before you leave?” He replied, “Mr Li, my study performance is still so poor and I feel shameful before you. What’s more, no one wants to listen to me.” Mr Li said, “But now I feel you are far more mature than before. Now I leave you my phone number. Please contact me if you have any confusion!” Then Jiang noted down Mr Li’s number and said goodbye to him.

据刘兰的回忆,姜浩的确曾经想跟她沟通,可是她太累了。好不容易回到家里,就想着给孩子亲手做点好吃的,把那些脏衣服都清理干净。有一次,姜浩曾问她:“妈,如果没生过我,你是不是就不用这么累了?”“那可不是!那样的话,我和你爸就不用再这么卖命地做生意了。谁不知道钱好花?我俩拿着钱环球旅游,咋潇洒就咋过。”像以往一样,刘兰一边疼爱,一边抱怨,但她没有想到,这句话问过没有多久,姜浩就以极端惨烈的方式,结束了自己的花样年华。

From Li Lan’s memory, Jiang Hao did try to communicate with her. But maybe because she was very tired after work, and there was a lot of chores waiting for her to do, so she did not have time to talk with him. One day, Jiang Hao asked her, “Mum, if you had not given birth to me, you would not be so tired now, right?” “No,” she replied, “if so, I could travel globally with your dad. It is so wonderful!” As usual, Li Lan kept teaching and complaining. But she never imagined that after the talk, her son would terminate his own life in a radical way.

刘兰患有神经衰弱,家里常备着安眠药。2009年4月10日大约上午9时左右,姜浩吞食了100粒“安定”后,又害怕死不成,用水果刀割断了手腕上的动脉。在留给父母的遗书中,姜浩这样写道:“亲爱的爸爸妈妈,我走了。原谅儿子的不孝,下辈子一定好好学习,不让你们操心,做你们的骄傲。我实在是活不下去了。”不到50个字的遗书,写得歪歪扭扭、错字连篇。

Liu Lan suffered from neurasthenia and she had sleeping pills at home. At around 9 o’clock on April, 10th, 2009, Jiang Hao swallowed 100 sleeping pills. Afraid that he could not die, he cut his wrist with fruit knife. In the letter he left, he said, “ Dear mum and dad, I am gone now. please forgive me. If I can have another life, I will surely study hard and spare your concern and become your pride. I really cannot go on living.” The letter is of fewer than 50 words, but is full of mistakes.

在乔山公墓安葬了儿子之后,伤心欲绝的刘兰放下了生意,遍访姜浩生前的师友。她想知道,是什么让儿子最终决定离开这美丽的人间?

After burying her son in Qiaoshan Cemetery, Liu Lan put down her business and visited her son’s friends and teachers. She wanted to know why her son would leave this beautiful world.

儿子走后半个月,姜春阳突发急性肺炎。虽不是致命的疾病,却总也好不彻底,可见其伤心伤身之深。躺在病床上,他总是喃喃自语:“没了儿子,那些钱都是废纸。”

Half a month after Jiang Hao’s death, Jiang Chunyang came down with acute pneumonia. Though it was not deadly disease, it was hard for him to recover. Lying in bed, he often murmured, “Without my son, all money is useless paper.”
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