Having read the mail you sent me yesterday, I felt more than affected as well as doleful. Every word in the letter stroke my heart and soul, making ponder and reflect on myself and more cherish my life. I even could not believe it was written by someone who is still struggling with disease and on the verge of death. Finishing the letter, I was thinking how you finished writing the letter, whether you cried facing the computer and whether your tears dampened the keyboard. Then I could not help tearing sadly.
At the avenue in the hospital, breeze is coming softly. It is quite suitable for patients to take a walk. But the slight medical aroma flowing in the air reminds patients of their real condition now and again. I have ever heard from some people that when one is approaching the end of life, he is fond of recalling the past. I know it is true from you. Every time I, or some other classmates went to visit you, you often talked about your childhood to us. You also talked about the activities or trips we had got involved in together. And you would feel extremely thrilled. We would laugh with you, but then we just wanted to cry, for we know such gleeful and impressive days will not come to us again.
Human is indeed a strange creature. Seldom do we believe any stories in novel or magazines and perceive them as fictional. Not until we witness it with our own eyes will we generate real emotion. Therefore, some so-called moving and enlightening stories can only exert an impact on us for a few seconds. Maybe right after reading the story, we would say to ourselves like this: “I should be optimistic, because there are many people who are more tragic than me but they can still be optimistic. So why can’t I ?” However, when we come across a tiny setback, we can barely overcome it. The initial oath seems to be forgotten downright. Only when we witness some miserable people’s authentic situation and even chat with them will we become truly mature and strong.
It is the same with me. I’ve also felt sad some time, but when I think of you, I will regard those “sad matters” as nothing to feel sad about. All of a sudden, I came to realize that I have done a lot of stupid things in the past, sacrificed a lot for some people who did not deserve my sacrifice and teared a lot for some unneccessary matters. However, since you fell ill, I have not done it again. You told that only by forgetting the past unhappy memories can we continue our life. I was thinking then: is it so easy to forget the past? But you told me, “That is the reason why we want to pursue it!” You also told me you can sacrifice everything for someone who truly loves you, but you will not wait even a second for someone who does not deserve your love. It is me who can truly understand how painful you felt at speaking this sentence. And I will enshrine it in my mind forever. Every time I went to see you, I felt life to be more precious!
You kept asking me about my overseas study recently. I feel considerably grateful for your great concern about me when you are still in an awful situation. I do not know whether you’ve felt it or not that I seldom talk about study or my future plan with you. Do you know why? It is because I do not want to stimulate you negatively. I am afraid that when you think that your peers are embarking on this career while you are in danger of life, you will feel terribly grief-stricken. But later I knew that your bearing is far beyond my imagination. One of my teachers has ever told me that one’s bearing decides the height of his thinking. So I know that my bearing is less than yours. Whereas, you said to me, “No, it indicates you are a guy who knows to consider others’ feelings.”
I feel terribly sorry that I could only stay with you for a short while due to my intensive schedule. Now I can hardly go to see you because I have to prepare tons of materials for a visa. I can only chat with you at night. All the things you told me to do have been living in my mind now, and you should not feel worried. Nor should you feel thankful to me. It is the only thing I can do for you now. Also, I admire wholeheartedly your kind and considerate heart as well as your great vision.