密码:
注册找密码我的浏览
设首页加收藏加书签 ______

首页每天学英语背单词语法词汇口语阅读写作翻译寓言四级六级名著绕口令笑话外语动态诗歌散文雅思商务

您所在的位置: 大耳朵首页 > 文章资料 > 能力提高 >...> 英语新词汇与常用词汇 > 双语新闻 > 正文

站内搜索:

小提示:学单词背单词请到大耳朵免费在线背单词系统
repent/[ri'pent]/ vi. 后悔, 懊悔, 忏悔 vt. 后悔 a. 匍匐生根的...

不听话?拿合同来……

本文属阅读资料
For the past week, my son has been officially 'under contract.'

By that, I mean he's now subject to very specific language, spelled out in his own handwriting, in a new family document that allows him to join an online-gaming Web site that had been off-limits to him for more than year. In return for the privilege of playing, he must hew to a strict set of rules -- and harsh penalties should he violate any of them.

This was not my or Amy's idea. Both of us were happy to keep this Web site off-limits, not because we're against the content (it's basically kid-friendly), but because we don't like his attitude when he has to give up playing the free version to go run errands, eat dinner or get ready for bed.

Instead, this was our son's idea.

He knows where we stand on this Web site, so he saw the contract as a way to change our minds.

It did. And now we're finding that a handful of written sentences can change his behavior more powerfully than any of the dozens of threats we can conjure up at the spur of the moment.

* * *

I'm not sure where my 11-year-old son came up with this idea for a contract; I've asked him, and I get vague non-answers.

Whatever the case, when I first heard his idea my initial reaction was to reject it outright. It seemed like yet another desperate attempt to get us to agree to something we didn't particularly care for. And I admit that some of it was simply a knee-jerk reaction that parents too often have: It's easier to say no than yes. We sometimes like to exert our authority just for the sake of, well, showing we can.

The result isn't always fair to our kids, who sometimes just want the chance to prove us wrong for once. In this particular case, my son wants the opportunity to prove to his mom and me that he can be responsible for his actions. Too often, especially when it comes to the computer, he lives under the presumption of guilt (not without reason, mind you).

So, I listened as my son made his plea to his mom and me.

And as he talked, I realized this wasn't a half-baked idea that served only his wants. His rationale was solid, and the consequences he laid out for himself for failing to live up to the contract were fairly harsh -- though as part of the ensuing negotiations, Amy and I made them even harsher. He said that the money to join the Web site -- $6 a month -- would come from his allowance.

Amy and I talked it over and thought this was a concept that might do some good.

A longtime friend of mine seconded our opinion. He once used a contract with his young daughter after a therapist friend told him about the concept. He found the contract worked pretty well.

The problem was that his daughter was acting rudely whenever he made any request of her, and he was getting frustrated with his inability to get her to stop and think about the consequences while they were in the moment.

But he was also frustrated with his own ability to think rationally at the moment. Too often, he says, we parents use random punishments that have little to do with the transgression itself. It starts off reasonably. If you don't get off the computer now, you can't play on the computer for the rest of the day. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. But it quickly gets absurd and unrelated to the act itself. You can't play for a month. You can't have a sleepover next week. You can't eat for a month.

I once told my son I was revoking his allowance for a year. He didn't believe me; I didn't even believe myself. That, though, is precisely the problem: You end up concocting consequences in the heat of the moment that both of you know won't come to pass. It makes a mockery of the punishment -- and so has no effect on the behavior itself.

'The good thing about the contract,' my friend says, 'is that it's all been thought out beforehand, and it's all on paper, and everyone agrees to it and knows what is expected. The most important part, though, is that you follow through on the punishments.' He says the contract ultimately faded away, 'and that points to its success. Though not all the bad behavior was corrected, it improved so much we no longer needed the contract.'

* * *

My son's contract isn't terribly formal, written in his messy handwriting on scratch paper. Nevertheless, it's binding, and he knows that.

At its core, the contract stipulates that he can spend his money for a monthly subscription to the Web site, but, as the document notes:

'1. When Mom or Dad says get off the computer, you have to get off. And you can't act out in frustration at having to get off.

'2. You can only play on weekends, weekdays when there's no homework, or when Mom or Dad give you permission to play.

'3. Playing time is limited to two hours on weekends and one hour on weekdays.'

And the penalty for noncompliance: 'Violate any of the rules and you lose access to the paid or free version of the Web site for one year.'

So far, so good. We've noticed a distinct change in his behavior. He occasionally slips and starts to get mouthy, but with a raised eye from Amy or me, he quickly remembers what's at stake, apologizes and complies.

The contract has given him control over his own destiny. And in doing so, it also moves him in the direction we want him to go.

从上个星期开始,我儿子正式“签约”了。

也就是说,他现在要受到非常具体的规定的约束:一份他亲手写下的“合同”。这份新的家庭契约允许他加入一个被我们禁止一年多的网络游戏网站;而为维护这份来之不易的权利,他必须遵守一套严格的规定--如果违反任何一条,都要遭受严厉的惩罚。

这可不是我或妻子艾米(Amy)的主意,我们都希望儿子不要上那个网站,倒并不是因为对其内容反感(网站提供的游戏还是比较适合孩子的),而是因为不喜欢每次叫儿子干点家务、吃晚饭或准备睡觉时,他都很不情愿放下手头在玩的免费游戏的态度。

事实上,“签约”是我儿子的主意。

他知道我们对网络游戏的立场,所以想通过合同改变我们的想法。

结果是皆大欢喜。现在我们发现,几个写在纸上的句子就能改变他的行为方式,比我们以前的百般威胁管用得多。

* * *

我不太清楚我那11岁的儿子怎么想到订合同的主意,我问过他,但得到的回答语焉不详。

无论如何,当我第一次听到这个提议时,第一反应就是直接拒绝。这个主意看上去和他以往急于改变我们对某些事物态度的尝试毫无二致。我也承认,我的这种反应几乎是下意识的,很多父母经常这么做,因为拒绝往往比同意更简单。有时候,我们只是想显示一下自己的权威,仅此而已。

这种结果对孩子们来说并不总是公平,有时候,他们只是想证明,大人的观点不一定正确。在这件事上,我儿子则想向他的父母证明,他可以为自己的行为承担责任。对于很多事情,尤其是在玩电脑方面,他总是怀有罪恶感(显然,这是事出有因的)。

于是,我倾听儿子怎么向他的爸爸妈妈请愿。

然而,听了他说的话我才意识到,这不是他为了满足个人愿望想出的鬼点子。他的理由很充足,而且制订了惩罚措施,如果不遵守约定,那他自己会很惨--而且在随后的谈判中,艾米和我又加重了惩罚措施。儿子说,加入网站的费用─-每个月6美元--将从他的零用钱里扣。

艾米和我认真商量了一下,觉得这种做法可能会有好处。

我的一个老朋友也表示支持。之前,在一个治疗师朋友跟他谈起这种方法后,他也跟自己的女儿订过合同,发现效果非常好。

当时他女儿的问题是不听他的话,每次态度都很恶劣。对此他束手无策,每次发生问题的时候,他都没有办法让女儿冷静下来,想想不听大人话的后果。

然而,他也对自己遇到此类问题时无法冷静思考而感到烦恼。他说,我们这些为人父母的过于频繁地使用和孩子过犯毫无关联、一时兴起的惩罚手段。一开始,我们说得还算在理:如果现在不离开电脑,今天就别想再玩,或者明天,或者后天;但很快情绪就会失去控制,变得有些离谱:你整整一个月都不许玩,下周不许去同学家过夜,一个月不许吃饭。

我曾对儿子说过,要停掉他一年的零用钱。他根本不相信,甚至连我自己都无法相信。不过,这正是问题所在:你头脑一时发热,编出一些双方都知道无法付诸实施的威胁手段,从而使惩罚变成一种儿戏--因此对孩子的行为无法产生任何影响。

我朋友说,和孩子订合同的好处是,一切都事先确定下来,白纸黑字,双方都表示同意,并有明确的预期;但最重要的是,要切实履行合同规定的惩罚措施。他说,最终双方会慢慢忘记合同的存在,而这正是成功的体现,虽然孩子的坏行为不可能完全得到纠正,但会有所改善,使双方不再需要合同的约束。

* * *

我儿子的合同并不算太正规,是他用潦草的字迹写在一张草稿纸上的。不过,这份合同具有约束力,而且他很清楚这一点。

合同主要明确了每月他能把一部分零花钱用在那个网站上,但同时规定了以下几点:

1、爸爸或妈妈让我不玩电脑时,我必须听话,不能对此表现得很不耐烦。

2、玩电脑的时间是周末,或做完作业的周一到周五,或爸爸妈妈允许我玩的时候。

3、周末每天最多能玩两个小时,周一到周五每天最多能玩一个小时。

不遵守合同约定的后果是:“违反上述任何一项规定,我整整一年都不能玩那个网站的免费或付费游戏。”

从目前来看,一切都还不错。我们注意到他的行为发生了明显改变,虽然有时候还是想偷奸耍滑,但只要艾米或我给他一个眼色,他马上就会想到惩罚结果,于是向我们道歉,并乖乖地按合同办事。

这份合约帮助他控制自己的行为,从更长远来看,有助于他掌控自己的命运,他也因此走上了我们所希望的方向。
您是否对这篇资料想说点什么?欢迎评论或者纠错,或者提交填空题答案! 您也可以立即
双语新闻
高瞻远瞩
放眼全球
推荐资源
最新社区精华帖子更多>>
  • 走遍美国教学版
    走遍美国教学版
  • 哈利学前班[英语儿歌]
    哈利学前班[英语儿歌]
  • 海绵宝宝 英文版
    海绵宝宝 英文版
  • 风中的女王第1季
    风中的女王第1季
经典学习方法更多>>
文章资料目录导航
经典名著 四六级考试 IELTS雅思 听说读写能力 在线语法词典 行业英语一 行业英语二 生活英语 轻松英语 专题英语
双城记 宝岛
战争与和平
悲惨的世界
傲慢与偏见
读圣经学英语
八十天环游地球
考试动态
学习资料
历年真题
模拟试题
心得技巧
学习方法经验
考试动态
考试介绍
考试辅导
历年真题
模拟试题
心得技巧
英语听力
英语口语
英语阅读
英语写作
英语翻译
英语词汇
名词 冠词数词
动词 动名词
代词 形容词
情态 独立主格
倒装 主谓一致
连词 虚拟语气
职场英语
外贸英语
商务英语
银行英语
文化英语
体育英语
房地产英语
会计英语
金融证券
医疗英语
计算机英语
公务员英语
实用英语
电话英语
旅游英语
购物英语
市民英语
宾馆英语
好文共赏
英语文库
名人演说
小说寓言
谚语名言绕口令
笑话幽默 诗歌
笨霖笔记
CNN英语魏
实用九句
双语阅读
发音讲解
分类词汇

免责声明:本站只提供资源播放平台,如果站内部分资源侵犯您的权益,请您告知,我们会立即处理。
Copyright © 2010-2017 大耳朵英语  京ICP备10010568号 | 京公网安备 11010802020324号

微信扫一扫手机学英语 关闭
微博扫一扫手机学英语 关闭
QQ扫一扫手机学英语 关闭
0.338683s